Some people are struggling with sexual immorality but feel they will do better once they get married. Some partners have also accepted marriage proposals from loose people hoping that once they tie the knot, their loose partner would become more responsible.
Some based their argument on a part of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians which says
“But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” – 1 Corinthians 7:9 NLT
Did Paul ever suggest that marriage was a cure to sexual immorality? Well, the statement of Paul is very straightforward and we will understand it better when we read in context. Let’s read from the previous verse
“I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” – 1 Corinthians 7:6-9 NLT
It is very important to know that Paul was not communicating a command or an inspiration from the Holy Spirit but his personal opinion sponsored by his own choices and lifestyle. Talking about those who can’t control themselves, Paul wasn’t referring to people who have moral issues, he was referring to people who can’t cope with the idea of staying unmarried.
For example, you can’t say God has given you the grace to be celibate but you are obviously in love with someone and you truly desire to be with this person just that your desire is conflicting with the claims that God has called you into celibacy. This was exactly what Paul was talking about, he never suggested that marriage could cure sexual immortality.
It is in fact after some people have gotten married that they started seeing more beautiful women and some young girls are rather more attracted to married men because they believe that married men will bring more money. Such ladies are hell-bent on destroying families and breaking homes if given the chance to.
Marriage is not an antidote for cheating, it doesn’t calm anyone’s hormones when they are with another person. It is possible to be married but attracted to someone else. Unfortunately, marriage gives some people much more reason to cheat!
It all boils down to one thing when we talk about dealing with sexual immorality and it is self-control. People who are sexually faithful in their marriages weren’t faithful because they had good spouse, we often tell women in Nigeria that they should learn how to please their husbands sexually, how to cook good food and how to look good for their husbands so that they don’t lose them to ‘side chicks’ but despite all this, people who will cheat will still cheat.
Faithfulness in marriage doesn’t require prayers but a decision and subjection of oneself to self-control. No matter how you pray for your spouse to go blind to other women, he will still cheat until he decides not to.
Here are a few ways to exercise sexual integrity.
If you are going through an addiction, it requires constant practice. You may want to write it and paste in a place you’ll see it every day.
1. Don’t entertain profanities
Whether you are in the midst of friends, you are in the office or just anywhere else, publicly frown upon obscenities. If it is where you have a say, you can outline behaviours that are proper and mandate everyone to abide by it but if it is where you have a little or no say, you can insist that people interacting with you do not use profane words. If you give room to profanities, you have given room to dirty talks which can set you on the path of sexual immorality.
2. Distance yourself from dirty jokes and talks
We live in a world where people are too sensitive. You may be called holier than thou for insisting on certain moral values. Expect some backlash. Don’t engage in dirty and sexual talks, quickly tell anyone who makes such jokes around you that you aren’t in for such. This way, you are being careful enough not to let lust thrive. When you condone such, loose people will see it as a go-ahead to try out new things with you.
3. Sanitize your social media space
You may have friends on social media who post sexual things, there could be those bringing up sexual talks in your inbox or using their story features to show twerking and sexual suggestive stuff. You may want to either unfriend them, unfollow them or make it clear to those who chat you up that you do not want to engage in such discussions. What you feed on daily is important.
4. Don’t treat lust with light gloves
Many times we say or do nothing around people who are loose and talk dirty because we don’t want to be the odd man out. When we do this, we are feeding our lust unknowingly. Don’t joke with your personal boundaries, let people know what these boundaries are and respect it. For example, one of your personal boundaries could be that you do not allow anyone into your hotel room when you are visiting a place. No matter how people insist, you must uphold it and let them know about it. The reason you must be serious with this is that lust is so powerful that when it has grown, it becomes too difficult to be controlled.
5. Avoid intimate discussion with another person at all cost
You should be very intimate with your spouse, you should discuss everything there is to discuss but when it is with someone else, there are things you better not talk about. You should avoid discussing things like your sex life, your favourite sex position or even your problems with your spouse. When you have to discuss these things with someone, perhaps a counsellor, it must be one who is matured and responsible enough to handle such discussions.
6. Be open about your relationship
If you find it difficult to admit that you are in a relationship or marriage, it means there is every tendency that you are nursing the idea of cheating on your spouse. Being open about your relationship is not enough to stop you from cheating but it makes you have a sense of responsibility and also create some kind of boundary. If you want to attend certain kind of meetings or party, ensure you go with your spouse or keep he or she posted.
7. Don’t harbour secrets
Immorality thrives in secrecy. When there is someone who is giving you weird attention and making sexually suggestive moves towards you, you should open up to your spouse about it. The more you harbour secrets of this sort, the more secrets you would want to hide and the more likely that you’ll fall short.
The Bible didn’t say that prayer is an antidote for sexual immorality. What the Bible instructs is “FLEE!” not “speak in tongues”. Even if you are not a believer in the Bible, this instruction is valid for you! It’s as simple as that! There are times when explaining to someone why you aren’t interested is not enough, all you can do to make your bold statement is to flee!
“But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household. No one here has more authority than I do. He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.” She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.” – Genesis 39:8-9, 12 NLT
9. Don’t remain on the floor
If you have made mistakes in the past or have seen yourself in an addiction, don’t give up on yourself. Begin to practice faithfulness till you master it. If possible, meet a counsellor and be willing to be worked on.
Hope this ministered to you?