I don’t know if this narrative is prevalent everywhere in the world but this will be familiar to Africans, at least, Nigeria where I come from.
In one of our singles meetings in Church, we were discussing about relationship when I noticed a perception many ladies have. They believe that a woman shouldn’t help a man, they believe most men who aren’t wealthy but caring and humble are only so because they are yet to have money and they believe that supporting a man is a risk because the man may take advantage of their generosity.
I found that narrative quite disturbing and I still find it disturbing. I raised my hand in Church to speak and when I was given the platform to, I did a comparative analysis of both gender and we saw that it is mischievous when we consider financially supporting a male wrong but never think the same way when the table turns.
At the end of the meeting, a fellow rewarded me with some cash for being bold against a narrative that has everything wrong with it.
Haven’t the reverse been the case all along? Why is it that when a poor woman marries a rich man, it is considered normal but when a poor man marries a rich woman he is, first of all, considered a gold digger until proven otherwise.
We need to stop deceiving ourselves and start telling ourselves the truth. Most people also consider it a privilege when a poor man marries a rich woman but doesn’t feel that way when the table turns. It is called choice when a young lady who isn’t wealthy marry a man who is wealthy and it is called “gold-digging” when a young man who isn’t wealthy marry a wealthy woman.
I heard a lady say “I can’t give so much to a man when he hasn’t given so much to me. It is wrong to start a business for a man because you can’t trust them. At the end of the day, they will be on social media looking for small girls to spend the money on”
If It is not wrong to start a business for a woman in the name of love, why is it considered wrong by most people when a woman starts a business for her man? This is not to encourage laziness but what exactly do we call laziness?
When some people say stuff like “don’t support, date or marry a man who is lazy”, I wonder what exactly they are talking about. Why aren’t they supporting, dating and marrying the wheelbarrow pusher, the gateman, the okada rider and so on because these men actually work hard!
When a woman who has no job is in a relationship with a man who foots the bill, she is simply jobless but when a man who has no job is in a relationship with a woman who foots the bill, he is a broke lazy ass.
When we begin to investigate this thing we call laziness, especially with regards to this discussion, we will realize that we haven’t been sincere. Being poor doesn’t mean being lazy and being rich doesn’t make anyone a better spouse.
I know a lot of women could cite their experiences where a man was helped and when things turned out well he got married to someone else. Women would also cite experiences where their husbands started cheating on them the moment he became wealthy as a result of their support but they should not generalize it and those who had positive experiences shouldn’t be counted as exceptions.
If we talk about ten men who left the woman after being supported by the woman, we can give a hundred examples of women who left the man after being supported by the man.
There are good people and there are bad people, it is not a gender problem, it is human flaws. There are people who won’t appreciate you and it cuts across male and female but there are also people who will appreciate you and love you like no man’s business.
This is not to say that a rich person should date a poor person and it doesn’t mean other people’s responsibilities are yours. You mustn’t support someone financially, but if you have to, don’t let people deceive you with their negative narratives.
If you don’t have money, don’t believe that you are lazy and don’t believe anyone is doing you a privilege by being in a relationship with you. You are worth more than money and only people who truly understand this about you and value you will treat you worthy.
While the place of sacrifice can never be overemphasised, relationship isn’t about paying bills and marriage isn’t about securing the money bag, it is about two persons who respect, adore and want to be with each other.