These days, I am always hesitant about reading posts online. I am always scared because it has been from one heartbreak to another. These few days have been very emotionally challenging for me, trying to let certain things go off my mind, trying to concentrate on the piles of work on my desk and fighting hard to do away with the thoughts, deja vu and imaginations flying in and out of my mind.
I have seen a lot on social media in the span of 48hours! From people exonerating rapists and blaming it on the raped, exonerating abusers and blaming it on the abused for not being able to control the temper of the abuser and people exonerating someone who sexually abused a child of six years, blaming it on the wife for not giving her husband enough sex!
Men are not beasts, whatever you see many men do today isn’t how God wired men to be. This whole menace is a result of mental rewiring, a result of a culture that sees nothing wrong with rape and abuse, a culture that prefers to protect a rapist just because the “family name shouldn’t be dragged to the mud”.
I remember sharing my story with someone sometimes back and she said to me “if I were you, I wouldn’t share this story publicly because many people will despise you”, she tried all her best to convince me never to share such experiences with the public or even speak out. We have a culture that exonerates preditors but victimize preys and victims!
I will try to make sense, I will try to bring this whole thing together; the rape, the murder, the abuse, the victimization of women, the child abuse, the despise of people who speak up… Just a lot!
A young girl got raped and murdered, all some people could say was “maybe she was dressing indecent, maybe she went to see her boyfriend, what was she doing where she got raped? She should have allowed them to have her so that she can live…” So many insensitive comments coming from people I supposedly should call “fellow humans”.
I read a post online from one young man concerning Uwa, who was raped and smashed to death in a Church facility. This young man, let’s name him Stupid, said: “as long as the one who was raped and murdered isn’t connected to me, I don’t care, it is not my business.” One thing we fail to remember is that what goes around comes around. If we treat certain things with light gloves, it will definitely come after us in the coming years.
With respect to the idea of not being concerned with issues that don’t seem to directly affect us, let’s talk about the very recent case of a man who gets his 6 years old daughter perform blow job on him and drink his sperm!
The mother of this child once had a house helper who reported to her that her husband raped her but because her house help wasn’t her daughter, she dealt with her and chased her out of the house! This woman must have felt it never concerned her, she must have never tried to find out if this young girl who was raped was saying the truth! It didn’t concern her and the best she could do was chase her out of their home just because she wants to protect the name of her husband.
After this house help was gone, the woman started noticing some foul odour from her daughter’s mouth whenever she gets back home. Upon investigation, her daughter opened up that her father usually make her drink his “pee”. What did this woman do? She didn’t beat her daughter, she didn’t throw her out of the home, it had gotten to her now! She had to secretly mount a CCTV camera which eventually revealed the truth.
Personally, I feel so sad! This man is supposed to rot in jail but his wife too, she is supposed to face sentences too for covering up rape! She felt it never concerned her and what went around came around. This time, it hit her so badly! But there is also something about this case that broke me down further!
Someone wrote, “the wife should be blamed for the actions of her husband, she must have been denying him sex.” Like seriously? How did we get here? This is the same reason why rape thrives, this is the same reason why people abuse others and get away with it because definitely, stupid people are more in number. Some people are only intelligent in figuring out how to turn blames on victims.
Talking about blaming victims; on another thread, I saw someone saying “women should control themselves by staying very calm in the face of anger and not walking away so that men can control themselves and not beat her to death.” The saddest part is that the writer is a woman and she is telling women “you are to blame if your husband can’t control his temper.”
So, the ball is all in the women’s court? So, it is women who are responsible for the man’s lack of self-control? When a woman can’t stand abuse any longer and decides to leave the scene, the man is justified to raise hands on her? I don’t even know how to say this or which words to use in pouring out my heart but I think I am in the wrong world, I can’t boldly call most people “my fellow humans” anymore because either they are humans I am not or I am human and they are not. I can’t identify with devils!
I wish I can unsee certain things I have seen in recent times, I wish I can unread them! I wish there is a kind of pill that makes one sleep a straight week without side effects. Somehow, I think I need to shut down and reboot into a different environment. My head is spinning, my eyes are turning, my heart is teary and even when I want to keep my cool, pretend like these things aren’t happening, it gets thrown at my face!
Maybe, just maybe, the world should come to an end already, I think I am already tired of staying here. Maybe you’ll say I am not too strong for this evil world and I’d say, “it’s not a strength issue, it is an identity issue. I don’t belong here, I can’t belong here and I pray the clock ticks faster!”
But as long as we remain here on earth, it is our responsibility to protect the vulnerable, to speak up against evil, to raise a crop of people who are sound! Somehow, this is how good people do something.