A young man once told me “I won’t marry until God show me a woman in the dream”. I love his faith and hunger to marry God’s will for him but is that really God’s will? Is it God’s responsibility to show him a woman in his dreams? Is God responsible for our dreams?

Well, no matter how much we want to leave our responsibilities to God, God isn’t responsible for them. So when you make the wrong choice, it is you and not God that is to blame. You are responsible for your relationship. God doesn’t choose your business partners for you, he doesn’t choose your friends for you and he doesn’t choose your spouse for you. Maybe only on very rare exceptions.

God can connect you to people for several reasons but whatever you make out of that connection is entirely up to you! He doesn’t force anyone on you and he also doesn’t feel offended when you decide not to have dealings with certain people. It is your choice!

There is no one woman or man that God marked specially as your spouse. There is no “God-ordained” individual whom God kept somewhere and said, “this is the right person for you”.

It is your duty to find who is right for you and when you find that person, God will ordain the marriage. Because you saw a man or woman in the dream doesn’t mean it must be him! It is entirely your choice! What God ordains is the institution called “marriage”.

Even as God brought Eve to Adam, she was not forced on him. He had to accept her first. The day God designed you, he didn’t design a specific spouse for you. There can be fifty right persons around you and you choose one person based on your own preference. This is where many people confuse themselves. They want to have all the good things themselves.

Perhaps, one person has everything you want in a spouse except facial beauty, or he has everything you want in a spouse except well-built body, whether you chose them or not, it is up to you. God has no hands in it. If you decided to marry someone because of his money, it doesn’t concern God, it is your choice and your choice is valid to you but when there are consequences to your choice, it is yours and not God’s.

It is possible for God to help you in your decision making if you involve him. He can give your pointers, expose red flags and also show you the person’s areas of strength. But he doesn’t choose for you.

It is like going to buy a phone, the vendor shows you various devices and educates you on their pros and cons. It is left for you to know if it meets your need or not. One person may want more storage, another person may want a higher camera pixel while another person wants a long-lasting battery. In some cases, you may not have it all, you simply decide what you can let go, what you can manage or what you can afford.

Don’t make the mistake of subjecting yourself to a relationship simply because you had a dream and you saw a certain lady in white gown giving you a flower, then you thought she must be the one! She may not be the one! Anyone can give you a flower after all.

Do you know how many beautiful ladies I have married in my dreams? If I have to base my convictions on dreams, then maybe, God created about six wives for me. But that’s just a dream and I have to leave it at that because anything can trigger dreams including your fantasies. Even as a young boy, I’ve had dreams where I got married to a crush that I never knew her name till date.

It is your duty to find your spouse, go look for him or her! Find your spec even as much as you ensure that he or she connects with your values and spirit. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22 NIV

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.”

There is no marriage made in heaven.

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