Dear Husbands, Be Domestic

I don’t know about the rest of the world because I am yet to travel and learn about diverse cultures and perspectives. But in the part of Africa where I was born, women are always believed to be the ones who are supposed to carry out domestic chores including cooking and doing of laundry.

In fact, young girls are often raised with the mindset of “be good so that a man can find you worthy” or “learn how to cook so that your husband doesn’t leave you for another woman.” Many young men have capitalized on this to treat their wives and sisters like a slave.

I visited a family a few years back and I saw that the boys weren’t made to enter the kitchen, the elder girls were made to greet the boys and serve them. I was not just shocked, I was pained! When I asked to know why they had such tradition, they told me the girls were being raised to know how to treat their husbands.

Well, I am glad that over the years, things are beginning to change. The role of the man and the woman is being redefined and more men are beginning to realize that in the society, the man and the woman deserve equal opportunities. If a man wants the loyalty of the woman, he should know the woman deserves the same too.

Every boy should be raised to learn how to cook, wash and do other domestic chores. Any tradition that makes people think a woman is a home-working machine is a very bad tradition. Many men have passed this phase of ignorance and any man still thinking that the woman is designed to serve him is living in yesterday. They should wake up to reality.

We shouldn’t live like our fathers who believed the woman is married to be a servant to the man. As men, we must learn to do all manner of dishes and also serve our wives as an expression of love. Services in marriage should be mutual and born out of love. Women would also want to eat food cooked by their husbands, they would also love to see their man do the laundry with a smiling face. Or don’t you think so?

I once heard a man say “I can’t get so low to cook for my wife or wash her clothes!” Well, a man who thinks this way has gotten himself so low. Being bossy doesn’t make us man enough, being kind, compassionate and friendly does that.

It is not out of place when a man also wakes up in the morning to get the kids ready for school. It is not out of place to make breakfast! I am not saying a man should take over every domestic chores, I am saying these chores doesn’t belong to anyone exclusively.

Men are always regarded as the leaders and one thing I know leaders do is that true leaders lead by example. You know, it’s easier for those doing nothing to criticize those doing something. Before you complain about her food, cook yours! Before you complain that she isn’t washing the clothes to your taste, wash hers to her taste.

By so doing, you are challenging her to do more and you are being a good example to your children!

Some folks will come to shout “easier said than done!” because they think all African men should be backward!

Don’t tell me to marry first.

I don’t need to drink water to tell someone else to wash his or her cup before drinking. If you ignore my advice simply because I am not married, it is not me you are doing… You are doing yourself.


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