Infidelity is a terrible thing. It is one thing that destroys trust to a very great degree. Many times, unfaithfulness is hard to overlook and even Jesus Christ was caught up in the subject and he had to say something.
“You have heard the law that says, ‘A man can divorce his wife by merely giving her a written notice of divorce.’ But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.” Matthew 5:31-32 NLT
The above verse clearly suggests that there is a ground on which divorce can rightly happen and that is the ground of unfaithfulness. However, Jesus wasn’t encouraging people to divorce their spouse because of unfaithfulness, he simply admitted “unfaithfulness can lead to divorce”, he was not saying “if your partner is unfaithful, divorce him or her!”
Unfaithfulness is bad and heart-wrenching but it is worthy to note that unfaithfulness is not an unforgivable sin. How you deal with unfaithfulness may depend on certain factors. Now, I am writing to those who are married or not married.
Unfaithfulness isn’t just about being sexually engaged to someone else other than your spouse, I also see it as giving someone else the time, attention and affection that belongs to your spouse. Whatever you do with someone else that you wouldn’t want your spouse to know about is cheating. Cheating is beyond the practice of sex in itself.
You must have heard “once a cheater, always a cheater” but that is not true. Humans are full of flaws, with desires and want. Sometimes, the human desire gears towards what is right and sometimes it gears towards what is wrong.
Sometimes, people cheat not because they don’t love you but because they could not control themselves. The reason cheating seems terrible to us is that it affects us personally. The problem is usually what happens next? Is he or she willing to admit the wrong and make efforts to rebuild trust?
There are people who cheated on their spouse on their unguarded moments, they aren’t serial cheaters, they just found themselves in that mistake! Some cheated on their partner whom they are yet to get married to and the big question becomes “can I go ahead to marry her?”
Truth is, that your partner cheated on you may not be enough reason to halt the wedding plans and move on. It is okay if you just can’t deal with it but you must know that the next person may be worse and you may only realize after the wedding.
This may not be what you want to hear but infidelity, as bad as it is isn’t an unforgivable sin. He or she may have been caught up in a moment when their weakness seemed overwhelming and if you would prioritise your feelings over good reasoning you may give up on a good marriage.
The questions you need to ask yourself is
Is he/she sorry and willing to be better?Is this a habit? If yes, can I cope with it?Is he/she willing to be accountable?Is he/she willing to condone my trust issues as I heal over the heartbreak?Is he/she taking full responsibility for their actions?
Is this a habit? If yes, can I cope with it?Is he/she willing to be accountable?Is he/she willing to condone my trust issues as I heal over the heartbreak?Is he/she taking full responsibility for their actions?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, I don’t see why you shouldn’t give your partner another chance. No one prays to have a spouse who cheats but everyone has the tendency to cheat, people who don’t cheat don’t do so because they are making efforts not to and because they respect you and honour you. They have the ability to cheat and chose not to use that ability.
If there was ever such thing as a partner who is God’s will for you with your name written on him or her, they still have the ability to cheat on you and it doesn’t mean that at the end of the day they wouldn’t help you fulfil destiny.
It is good to walk away when it is something that robs you your peace or something you just can never cope with. But when your partner admits their wrong and is willing to work with you towards getting better, then it is not the time to walk away!
Because of unforgiveness, many people destroy relationships that would have been best described as “made in heaven”. The same thing that makes people lie is what makes people cheat on their spouse.
This is not to be negative but if you can’t forgive or condone unfaithfulness, don’t marry at all. This is not to say that everyone cheats. No, not everyone cheats on their spouse but regardless, you must make up your mind that if it ever happens, you are willing to forgive.
When people are very intentional and habitual about cheating on you without any sense of regret, they are simply using other means to tell you how much they don’t want to be with you and for such people I say “run from them!”