In the part of the world where I come from, women are always made to believe that they are responsible for their husband’s infidelity. They are told so many things and pressured into unnecessary stuff!
You’d hear stuff like “if you respect him enough, he wouldn’t cheat on you”. But that’s a big fat lie! He wasn’t cheating on you because you don’t respect him. He cheats because he doesn’t respect you! At least, that is if he is a habitual cheat and not just someone who once upon a time was caught off guard.
Another thing you hear people say is “if you truly have good manner, he won’t cheat on you!” That’s a ‘bigger fatter lie’. He is actually the one who lacks manner and not you! If he is well mannered, he wouldn’t be running after another woman when he has a woman whose body belongs to him. It is good to have good manner but your lack or excess of manner isn’t responsible for what a man has decided in his heart to do. The Bible says after all
“Out of the heart come all issues of life” – Proverbs 4:23
Another lie you would hear is “if you give him good sex, he won’t cheat on you”. Like seriously? Whether you gave a 360 position of sex or displayed a deep sexual skill gotten direct from heavens, he will still cheat on you if that is what he wants to do or has gotten himself addicted to.
Don’t ever think you’re responsible for anyone’s lack of self-control! If something is actually wrong, a man who respects you will sit you down and point out those areas where he wants improvement.
Sometimes, the person they cheat on you with doesn’t have more sexual skills than you, they don’t cook better than you, they are not better behaved and loving as you and they have no single respect for him more than you do.
Some men just want to be adventurous and they go crazy with it! Don’t ever feel they cheat on you because something is wrong with you. If you must discover ways to deal with the issues of a cheating husband, it begins with you refusing to accept that you are responsible for their unfaithfulness.
Let no one put it on you! A cheat is cheating because he is a cheat! Women cheat too and cheating isn’t peculiar to any gender but I am writing this specifically to address the idea that men cheat because something is wrong with their wives or because they are not well respected.
We always tell women how to hold their men but we don’t tell men how to hold their wives! We always tell women to protect their marriages but we don’t tell men to protect their marriage. We tell women to fight hard for their marriages but we don’t tell men the same. The woman is a help-meet, she is value-added and therefore the man should be the one fighting hard to protect her.
Protection is tied to value. People will always protect what they value! We always see banks guard money movement with heavily armed men because value is attached to the money. In the same way, a man will protect his wife all right round if he values her.
Women aren’t the only ones to make the marriage work, men must learn to take their place in their homes! This is not to discourage any woman who is fighting hard to build her home but this is my way of shouting on top of my voice to tell women that they are not responsible for a man’s lack of self-control.
If there is anything you must make a priority in getting your marriage work, it begins with you refusing to believe that you are responsible for your spouse unfaithfulness.
Another point worthy of note is this: don’t blame any woman for your husband’s decision to cheat! That prostitute or “cheap whore” is not the reason why your husband cheated on you! “Husband snatcher” doesn’t exist! No woman has the power to steal a man. Men who go after other women simply leave their wives at their own discretion.
While you don’t blame yourself for his infidelity, also don’t blame another woman! Your man’s actions are solely his own responsibility and not yours or another person’s to make.
We are in a society where women get to be blamed for virtually anything! When a man runs away from his family, people blame the woman! As he runs into the arms of another woman, people still blame the woman!
Your husband proposed to you and promised to make you his wife as he becomes your husband. He stood you up in the midst of other people and said “this is my woman! I will love her for better for worse!” He owes you that loyalty and no other person does!
A young woman may not be cursed for sleeping with another woman’s husband because she isn’t held bound by any covenant to be faithful to you! She doesn’t owe you her faithfulness as much as your husband owes you every bit of it.
Am I saying it is right for a woman to engage in a sexual affair with a man who isn’t married to her? No! I am a strong advocate of adherence to the godly principles of relationship which includes sexual purity but we must stop passing the blame game on the women and start taking responsibility for our actions.
Let me also add.
No matter how much you want to make a marriage work if your partner isn’t interested in making it work, you’re just beating about the bush! This may not be what you want to hear right now but the Bible says in Amos 3:3 “except two agree, they cannot walk together”.
When an unfaithful spouse wants to make it work, he or she will say “I am sorry. I made a terrible mistake. I am wrong but I truly want to be better. Can you give me another chance?”