I was in a meeting when a woman was asked “your husband seldom stays at home due to the nature of his job. How do you cope?” And she replied, “well, it makes no difference to me as long as he drops good money on the table”. Well, she just disclosed why she got married, it wasn’t for love but for money and as long as she is concerned, her marriage is working because he drops money on the table. How about if he stops dropping money on the table? How about when circumstances change, will she still stick to him?
Sometimes we wrongly think that being crazy about someone equals love, we think that because someone misses us means we are loved but all those aren’t enough and does not necessarily indicate love. There are people who might miss you so much but these people are very unwilling to make serious sacrifices for you, they adore you and they are loyal to you but they will never make any sacrificial effort towards you because you aren’t the reason why they are with you, they are with your for themselves! They only serve your interest at their own convenience but they only want to be with you just because of themselves.
I figured out what the problem is.
If you claim to love someone without the zeal to make sacrifices and go out of your way for them, it may be something about them that you like and not necessarily that you love them. If what you like about them is taken away, you surely may not want them again. It is true that we always ask people “why do you love me?” But if there is “why” to that love, then, it is not love! We can be attracted to people for a reason, we can be endeared to people for a reason but a love that has reasons attached will bail out when those reasons fade away!
It’s possible to want to have someone without even loving them, there are various reasons you may want to have someone; it may be about security, it may be the care and attention you get from them, it may be their intelligence and creativity. You want it for yourself, it’s all about you and has nothing to do with them. If the security wasn’t there, you won’t want to be with them! If the care isn’t there, you wouldn’t want to be with them.
You can be crazy about someone but the craze is about what they have and how it will go a long way to meet your needs, it has nothing to do with them, you miss them simply because of what they put on the table. It is true that some things can attract us to people but it isn’t fair to make decisions based on mere attraction. If they lose that stuff, will they remain?
For me, love is a decision, a decision to stand with someone despite the odds and the surprises that will surface. It’s okay if you want to be with people because they have what you want but it is wrong when you label it love, it reduces the meaning of love to mere selfishness! Love goes out of the way of self and puts another person first. Love doesn’t think of “what will I gain from him?” It thinks of “what will he gain from me? How do I make him better?” Love is more of others than it is more of ourselves.
Maybe, we need to review our relationships again to know if it’s love or just about ourselves.