Many people have subject themselves to a kind of life they aren’t pleased with just because they want to please someone else. It is like taking up the character of the antagonist when you are meant to be the protagonist. Many people appear the way their lovers would want them to appear, they aren’t happy with who they are becoming but they have to do everything to be accepted.
Someone is dressing the way she does today because she wants to be accepted, someone is making a new hairstyle today because she feels that it is what “he” will like. If people must change you before they can accept you, then that relationship isn’t worth it. It is useless being in a relationship where your identity is lost.
If there is anything that must change about you, anyone who truly loves you will love you the way you are and stick with you even as you experience relevant changes. Being you will attract the right persons to you but trying to be someone who everyone likes will make you lose yourself in the process.
When you look in the mirror, what is motivating you? Are you trying to check if those acnes are gone simply because someone doesn’t like them or are you checking them because you don’t like them? When you start changing your fashion, are you doing it for someone or is that really what you want for yourself?
What do you ask yourself when you look in the mirror? Is it “will John like my hairstyle? Does my skin colour turn him off? Does he like my brown eyes? Is there anything about my dressing he doesn’t like?”
As much as I am not discouraging anyone from looking attractive, I think we should not let other people’s definition of standards ruin what makes us happy and comfortable. At least, start doing what you like about yourself. Do the hairstyle you want, dress the way you feel comfortable, go out on your own sometimes and give yourself a treat! When you feel great about yourself, you aren’t overly conscious of who is looking at you. Let people truly admire you because they find you admirable and not because you are showing them who they want to admire.
Living in someone else idea of life simply means destroying your own identity and forsaking your uniqueness! God made you very unique and there is no other you anywhere in the world! Why lose that precious identity? Why trade what makes you unique for what will only make you go below the personalities you want to imitate or please. You are your best when you are yourself and you are your worst when you try to be someone else.
Don’t lose weight because you want to please a lover, lose weight because you want to. Don’t change because you want to appear compatible with someone, change because you want to improve and get better for yourself. It is true that we all live for other people, it is true that it is not just about us alone but you can only offer what you have. When you have lost yourself, you can’t give anything meaningful.
There are people who love you the way you are, there are people who admire your skin colour, there are people who find your local accent romantic, there are people who love your fashion sense! Isn’t it easier to stay with people who will allow you to thrive in your best than people who will force you out of your identity? When these people are gone, there is only one person left and that person is you. So, be strong for yourself first!
Go back to the mirror, take a good look at yourself. The question shouldn’t be “will he like me? Does he like the fact that my breasts are small? Does he like the way I dress?” The question should be “do I like the way I look?” Admire yourself, it helps build confidence. Don’t let how you feel about yourself depend on what other people want. When they tell you what they want, also remind them of the things you want for yourself. If they can’t cope with it, they shouldn’t be with you in the first place.
Hope this spoke to someone?