Dear Mr George,
Good evening. I just read your book titled Raped at Seventeen on Okadabooks, and I knew I was going to reach out to you.
My name is Mary by the way, and I was molested when growing up too, I haven’t been able to tell my family members about it and I agree with you when you say there are many incoherent things. Sometimes I sit and wonder what would have happened if I screamed or if I was simply bold enough to speak up.
Please, I need to know if you went through therapy because sometimes I feel I need to talk to a therapist.
I hope to read from you soon.
Mary, I feel so exhilarated that you found time to read my story notably with the fact that you are just like me; in the sense that we went through child molestation while growing up. I understand you when you say that you have not been able to tell your family members, particularly when it would appear incoherent, no story of abuse ever sound coherent when narrated because many people don’t know such things happen.
I hope you aren’t being abused anymore by any means? Is there any sort of lifestyle which you don’t like that you have been exposed to? I will like to get feedback on this if you don’t mind sharing with me.
Many people don’t know these things happen and they would ask “why didn’t you shout? Who did you tell? Why did you allow him to touch you? What took you so long to speak up?” Most of these questions aren’t just raised out of concern, they are raised to put the blame on the victim and exonerate everyone else. However Mary, maybe I didn’t try so hard to muster courage and speak up and I will never use it as a standard or encourage others to follow suit. If it is something you can do, please speak up.
Although we may both have endured some degree of abuse, the way we manage it would be distinctive because we may differ in character, skills, background and activities. While I never met a therapist, I believe the degree of healing that I experienced started when I decided to forgive myself, admit it was never my fault and make up my mind that I wouldn’t let those ugly experiences change who I am.
Trust me, Mary, it may be hard to some extent but you will surely pass through it. You need to open up to someone you trust, it may be your family member, a teacher or a senior friend. But in any case, you are like me who wasn’t convinced to spill it all out to my family, you may want to pour out your heart on a diary. It mustn’t go public if you don’t want it but I have realized that we can pour some of our heart’s burden out it out on a book.
Just like you, I have always wondered what would have happened if I screamed, punched him or even stabbed him but then, I just couldn’t! So, I have stopped thinking of what I wasn’t able to do because not all of us are too strong to throw punches and scream. I believe that by writing my story, exposing this menace, inspiring people and making them see what they never knew was there, I am fighting even harder. I am fighting harder by letting Parents know that these things happen, by revealing the tactics of these predators and together we are all winning against child abuse!
Though I didn’t go to a therapist, certain activities I engaged in (youth organisation activities, leadership activities, writing and reaching out to young people) seemed therapeutic for me, it helped me greatly and also gave me an advantage that I can understand so well when someone confides in me about the abuse they went through regardless of gender. Writing my story did it for me too.
More so, as a Christian, I trusted Jesus so much which for me came with enormous spiritual advantage. I will encourage you to meet a therapist, it will go a long way for you. As long as you feel you need to talk to a therapist, you should go ahead. And in addition to that, trust God, don’t be alone, don’t feel disadvantaged and never believe you have a case that you can’t handle.
I will be glad to hear from you again anytime soon!
You are strong!