Just shut up!
How dare you use such words?
Wait a minute!
Who do you think you are? Jehovah Jireh?
I have come across many exceptional egocentric persons who think that they are actually the ones giving you a privilege by accepting or requesting to be in a relationship with you and eventually want to marry you. When you eventually give in to them hoping to see someone who has a refined personality, you discover that behind the suit lies a man or woman who needs so much help. Their problem is not that they need help, we all need help, but their problem is that they don’t agree that they need help, they see their weaknesses as no issue and see you as someone they are just helping. Excuse me; it’s not everyone that is moved by that ‘public figure’ or ‘celebrity’ status!
Let me buttress my point.
A relationship is not about a person, a relationship is constructed on purpose and that purpose cannot be achieved when one person feels more relevant than the other. Both parties in a relationship are privileged to meet each other and establish a relationship. People who make you feel like they are just helping you by marrying you are just very terrible people. Behind their suit, celebrity status and all those entourage that follows them, they are struggling with pressing issues and may need someone who tolerates their undisciplined habits. They may need someone who can help work on them.
However, because of their ego, they wouldn’t want to acknowledge that they have a problem. This was the very problem Jesus had with the Pharisees and other elites of Judaism. They knew they had issues but they never wanted to open up, if they had opened up. Doctors don’t come for healthy people, they go for people who have a problem and admit it. Your ego will always reject help.
This is why certain ladies undergo several waves of abuse in the hands of their partner and they still stick to him, not because this is what they want but because they feel that they have gone too far to back off, they think their life is now tied to the hands of the man. Some of us go around creating an impression that we are very perfect people in the flesh, and we don’t want to admit that meeting someone who wants to manage our flaws is a privilege and we go ahead to make very stupid remarks like “you will regret not marrying me”. When I hear people say that, I want to walk up to them from the back, tap them gently and ask them “and who do you think you are?”
Little wonders proud people always fail!
It takes humility to appreciate someone who has chosen to be with us. It doesn’t matter how good, romantic and understanding we think we are, we are not the one doing someone a favour by marrying or being in a relationship with them, we need them as much as they need us. They can help us become even better and we can help them in our way too.
Adam never knew he needed a helpmeet, Adam never complained to God because he never had an early orientation of being in the company of someone before and he never wanted it because he never knew about it. But, when God brought the woman to him, he didn’t go about saying “you can’t do without me…”, he rather admitted that “this is the woman I need!”.
I just hate that arrogance!
When we go about treating people as though they are nothing without us, we have proven that we cannot be trusted. It means we are not looking for a relationship, we are just colonial masters and no one wants to be under a colonial master. This doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate ourselves… Oh, come on! I do that a lot! I tell myself that my wife and kids will be blessed to have me and I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself “George you are good, God made you good” but I don’t come to someone and put it up to her saying “if you do not yield to me… You are gone!” if we act that way, we are not different from those men who rape women for saying “no” to them. It shows we are just being obsessed with our selves that we cannot appreciate another person. If you can’t appreciate someone, there is no point being in a relationship with them, you don’t need it!
You’re damn good!
I don’t mean that we should stop seeing our importance or we stop appreciating ourselves. If we can’t appreciate ourselves and see ourselves as people who are worthy of someone’s love, we may start living in self-pity. When we lose confidence in ourselves, we may not able to give our best. What I am kicking against is when we start magnifying our personality over another person and start seeing ourselves as the only important person in a relationship, it makes us bossy, selfish and very annoying. Our partner’s decisions may not even matter to us anymore because we feel our words are the final say. That is what you get when you are in a relationship where one person thinks you are only privileged to meet him or her. No, we are privileged to meet ourselves.
What many people cover up with such useless ego are their terrible past and present. Some of them have a very terrible lifestyle that you may not know about, they suffer from lots of addiction and they are truly feeling very inferior about themselves just that they try to protect their weaknesses and magnify themselves over you in a bid to measure up and have you respect them. They feel once they open up to you they lose their ‘superior image’. Anyone who acts this way is very difficult to change because they know they have a problem but they are just never going to admit, they will employ all manner of tactics to cover it until you are entirely trapped into their lives. And they are toxic people!
If you fall into this category of persons, you may need to help yourself by admitting that you need help. Many public figures have issues; they hide the devils in them inside their designers wears. Don’t be caught in the web of illusions, it will not always last long and when it ends, it damages all the integrity you have falsely built. Being honest about yourself brings you more respect than you can ever imagine.
Being sincere with who you are do not scare people away, it makes them love you the more and even trust you. If someone can be free enough to share her ugly past or weaknesses to me, then I will always trust that she will be very open and sincere as we work something out. We are there to help, build, cherish and respect ourselves after all.
Defeat that ego!
It’s time to give up on your ego; you may not like yourself when things turn against you and it will turn against you if you keep living that way. No wonder the bible says that pride goes before a fall! Pride will make you keep building on the mountains of lies, lies don’t last forever.
The relationship isn’t just an affair, it is a responsibility. If you are in a relationship, then it is time to be very responsible, it is time to work on yourself and your partner. Let me tell you what a sweet relationship looks like: when you can look into your partner’s eyes and say “I understand… We will fight together and win together” and your partner can do the same to you, it is a sweet relationship.
Kill that pride…
In relationships, we’re babies that grow every day.
Darling, you need me and I need you much more!
God bless you!