There are certain relationships that aren’t meant to be, not because God looked down from heaven and declared it “null and void” or because there is just one person God created for you and pronounced “this must be your spouse” but because the both of you don’t possess qualities that match each other. When we say some relationships aren’t meant to be, we mean that both of you are incompatible or lack complementing qualities. While you may be a perfect match for someone, you may be the worst match for another person. There is an adage that says “one man’s food is another man’s poison.” What is very healthy for you may be very allergic to someone else. There are also people who came into your life to serve a temporal purpose and when their season and reason is fulfilled, the relationship will start shaking until it is broken. You don’t need any rocket science to know if you are meant to be together forever! One of the first signs that show you may not be meant to be together is when the idea becomes very loud to you!
When you realize a relationship isn’t working anymore, moving on as fast as possible is the best because the more you try to force it, the more you will get hurt when the breakup eventually happens. Whether or not you are meant to be together with someone, you can still be emotionally attached to that person and this is why it is somewhat difficult to let go even if one is in an abusive or toxic relationship. We will be looking at some few indications that you aren’t meant to be together and you need to really be honest to yourself.
1. YOU FIGHT OFTEN OVER NOTHING
When a once peaceful and loving relationship suddenly becomes a wrestling ground over things that aren’t really important, then there is a problem. Every couple would encounter a moment of disagreements and even exchange of words but when it becomes a regular occurrence where every effort of your partner becomes an offence and un-admirable, it is obvious that the both of you have developed bad blood towards each other. Sometimes this feeling isn’t mutual, it may be one person developing bad blood for another person and getting easily offended by unimportant things. The reason they fight everything is that they are looking for a way to leave and not blame themselves for leaving. Another case is that both of you do not see from the same perspective and no one is willing to see through the lens of the other person’s eyes.
2. INCOMPATIBLE DREAMS
Before you met him or her, you had a dream and therefore it is not expected that the both of you must share the same dream but at some point, there ought to be dream compatibility if the both of you are meant to be together. It is nearly impossible for a relationship to work out perfectly fine when your dreams are opposing each other and no one is willing to compromise. The essence of relationship is usually marriage and the essence of marriage is oneness. When two becomes one, it means they become one in purpose! So a pre-marital relationship is a phase when dreams of two persons begin to align and form a synergy! When this isn’t happening, then that relationship may not work out. The exception lies in the ability of one person to give up something very important but if no one is willing to make this sacrifice, it may not work out. To set the record straight, dream compatibility doesn’t mean having the same dreams, it means having a dream that can complement the other person’s dreams or allowing your dreams to blend and align together.
3. CONTINOUS BETRAYAL OF TRUST
Someone who loves you and is very compatible with you can make a mistake and betray your trust but they work towards rebuilding that trust immediately. However, when a partner makes it a habit of betraying your trust, it is an indication that he or she has no respect for you or regard you as someone worthy of exclusivity. Trust is a huge factor in keeping a relationship and when trust isn’t there, then it is not working! When your partner keeps betraying your trust and isn’t making efforts of building it, watch very well, that relationship isn’t meant to be. You need to be honest with yourself and see if this is truly working or if you are just trying to be positive. Remember, you can always walk away from dead relationships! When some things get dead, we can’t resurrect them… We just walk away from it. After all, Jesus said we should let the dead take care of itself.
4. UNWILLINGNESS TO RESOLVE ISSUES TOGETHER
People do say that there is no relationship without a slap! That is true to some extent, there must be a time of disagreements and sometimes conflicts because we are dealing with someone else who grew from a different background and had a different philosophy of life. When these disagreements occur, healthy partners work through resolving it together. In fact, when couples resolve issues together, they tend to become stronger in their relationships. When a partner or both partners suddenly realize they no longer take delight in resolving their differences or caring for themselves through a fight, then that relationship is on a high speed down the hill without any control. Every good thing is worth fighting for and anytime the passion to fight for something is gone, then the time is up, the end has come!
5. YOUR OPINION DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE
There is always that time when you are too convinced about something that you don’t even need any extra opinion but when anyone who respects you will always want to carry you along even if they had made up their mind on something. When your partner suddenly starts putting you off and stops asking for your opinion or vice versa, then that relationship is winding up! In every healthy relationship, there should be a space for contribution, healthy arguments, serious conversation and a point of compromise on decisions. Especially as it concerns both of you, if one person suddenly stops needing advice and opinions, look again, something is wrong. Since every relationship involves two persons who see from a different perspective, each person must respect the other person’s perspective by paying to attention and listening to another.
These are just a few striking indications that there isn’t compatibility in a relationship. A relationship is a partnership and not a boss-servant affair. How would you feel if you are about to host a wedding and your partner dominates every decision making and you have no say whatsoever! How would you feel in marriage when you give birth to a child and your partner dominates every decision about the baby? How would you feel when you are married and your partner finds joy in betraying your trust and treating you without respect? Many relationships will not last into marriage because of incompatibility but some relationships can graduate to marriage if one person continues to pressure it but it will be a marriage of two persons whose heart don’t belong to each other and it would have a more devastating effect!
Is this what you want for yourself?
The ball is in your court! Play well.
~ George O.N