CAN YOU LOVE AN EXTREMELY BROKEN PERSON?

CAN YOU LOVE AN EXTREMELY BROKEN PERSON?

Disney is great in creating those fantasies we wish were true! Those fantasies where we just meet someone, we fall in love and everything starts working perfectly fine. Everyone wants the happily ever after kind of life and we all wish that life is true, at least, to the rate at which Disney presents it. Well, in reality, life doesn’t seem to be that way especially with someone who has been emotionally fractured. Loving a broken person is possible but you must be sure to make sacrifices to the point of losing yourself. It is never going to be that love walk with so much romance, so many calls, texts of “I love you baby” and “I really miss you.” It would be a time to fight with yourself and with whatever he or she has had in the past.

How could you define that relationship where it seems you must have to lose yourself just to win the other person? Is there even any guarantee that you’d win him or her? To love a broken person may require all of the efforts available in you and if this is what you have decided to do, you must also understand that there isn’t any guarantee that you’ll win. You may win and you may lose. If you have made up your mind to be with someone who is extremely broken or in other words, emotionally fractured, be sure that you will always struggle to know if whatever both of you is doing is real or not because this person will never open up so much to you. It is a game you have to strategize and play yourself. The hard part is; there isn’t any promise that the struggle will end someday. You may hear some motivational talks that would encourage you but be sure that this is beyond the strength any motivational speaker would give.

A broken person will either break you or gradually respond with time, you are stuck between two options and anything can happen without your permission. Just don’t hope for the best or the worst, if you really have made up your mind to stay in that pernicious relationship, be ready to fight. You may be fighting a loosed battle anyway. Anyone who is still locked up in his or her past cannot be all out for you no matter how much they truly don’t want to lose you. The problem is this; they don’t want to open up to that point of becoming vulnerable again but they are also scared of losing you even as they have mastered the art of hiding their feelings.

“A broken person will either break you or gradually respond with time, you are stuck between two options and anything can happen without your permission.”

To be in a relationship with an extremely broken person means you have to deal with a past you never belonged to and you even have to take some of the blames for what you know nothing about. This toxic relationship can be suffocating because this person occupies the space of all your responsibilities and if care is not taking, you may suffer some mental mishap for a while. You will not have time for other people or even for yourself since you’ve got a giant standing in the way and you must deal with it till it’s over.

You feel their hurt in their words, actions and coldness but they don’t open up neither will they let you break into their hearts. When you want to take a walk out of the relationship, they stand in the way because they truly need you, they freak out at the thought of your exit but they still lock up themselves and manipulate your emotions to the point that they are the determinants of your happiness. It is hard to date and relate with someone who isn’t ready to open up his hearts to you but if this is what you have chosen, you must keep trying.

Only a few people who have walked this path actually win. When we talk about extremely broken people, we aren’t just talking about someone who felt bad over a past relationship and moved on. This is about someone who has gone through a lot in the name of relationship and got a nearly permanently fractured emotion and distorted perception of what a relationship is. Many people who are emotionally fractured may actually still feel the need of a relationship but they have a lot to contend with; they have their past staring right at them and they find it hard to let go of those pasts.

“To be in a relationship with an extremely broken person means you have to deal with a past you never belonged to and you even have to take some of the blames for what you know nothing about.”

You must perfect the art of patience. This is not the normal patience but the super-abundance of it because an emotionally fractured person may be physically present to you but emotionally absent. Trying to define your relationship with such a person would be the hardest thing to do because they are unwilling to agree to any definition. As much as they want to think they need you, their feelings are tightened up in their hurts.

Are you willing to climb the mountains standing between you and this person? Truth is, you may actually succeed but sometimes the mountain may also be higher than you! You aren’t dealing with someone who is working alongside you to make changes and readjust; you are dealing with someone who feels safe in his emotional withdrawal. The more you fight, the more they withdraw inside like a snail going back into its shelf. A healthy relationship isn’t supposed to have any shelf, it is not normal to hide from who should be a part of you. Until one decides to open up him or her to that point of vulnerability, the relationship is not healthy.

Are you ready to stick with someone who looks at you from two perspectives? They truly adore you but they are scared of you because they once adored and cherished the same persons who hurt them in the past. They might have been hurt right on the pre-wedding night, their ex might have walked away from them right at that time they wanted to pop up the big question of “will you marry me?” after so many years of sacrifices. How about that woman who dated for seven years, got married and caught her husband on another woman on the first night? Sometimes, they are scared you would turn out to be the same with everyone else. They just can’t trust you like that, you will have to pay heavily for that trust.

“A healthy relationship isn’t supposed to have any shelf, it is not normal to hide from who should be a part of you.”

If you must go ahead with him or her, be ready to be a suspect. They were hurt in the past because they loved to the point of vulnerability. They had opened up to someone previously, they had pulled down all their defences, loving without reserve and being just as happy and strong as anyone else. Now that all those measures they took only brought them hurt, they see you as someone who might likely hurt them and therefore they have built up walls around them that you may find very hard to break.

Each day they want to open up, the memories of the heartbreaks flashes back and they withdraw. He may be trying to text you in the night but decides to put back the phone because he may get himself into another mess. Trust me, as much as you try proving your love, their defences try getting stronger because the one who hurt them in the past also tried proving their love. Love is strong but philosophy is stronger; you are dealing with someone who has developed a kind of philosophy that isn’t a recipient of love.

It is unfortunate that there isn’t any quick fix on how to break into the heart of an extremely broken person. You just have to try to the limit of your strength but be sure that you must exhaust all your love and maybe you win or lose at the end. It is painful to love someone who doesn’t love you back or even appreciate it. Broken people don’t appreciate love because by appreciating it, they are making certain rooms in their heart and they believe these rooms may give way for another hurt. Or maybe, they just appreciate you silently. If you won’t love unconditionally, you cannot put up with someone who is emotionally fractured.

“Love is strong but philosophy is stronger”

It is not impossible to find your way into the heart of an emotionally fractured person but it is difficult, I don’t need to pet you and motivate you falsely. If you can’t sacrifice yourself for him or her, you just can’t win them. Emotionally fractured people have loved before but their love was betrayed to a point of hopelessness. When you see certain people never wanting to meddle into any form of relationship anymore, never think they are very strong people who don’t care! Many times, they are very lonely, broken and deeply hurt. They are afraid of getting hurt again but they truly need a loving heart.

No matter how they shy away from it, emotionally fractured people yearn for love again and again but they are scared of opening up about their needs. The past keeps haunting them and they find it very difficult to move on and try again because they have moved on several times and tried again several times. When an emotionally fractured person pushes you away, they usually pray that you walk back to them. When you succeed in breaking into the heart of an emotionally fractured person, you’ll discover that they are just lovely people who are soft-hearted; they are simply afraid that the remaining part of their soft heart would be damaged further.

If you can’t be patient with an emotionally fractured person, don’t try in the first place because you would stunt the progress of their recovery. Don’t judge a broken person for being broken, they have just been through a lot, they have witnessed what the Bible calls “satan transforming into an angel of light”, they have been betrayed by someone they loved and have been treated with serious disregard. It is hard to trust again when you have exhausted all your means of trust. Emotionally fractured people are not God who watches the heart, they are human who looks at the appearance, they will surely have hard times trusting another face. No matter how harmless a certain snake is said to be, we all fear snakes because the ones we have seen aren’t harmless. You might be worse than them if you have experienced what they have experienced.

“When an emotionally fractured person pushes you away, they usually pray that you walk back to them.”

The emotionally fractured persons know what the lessons cost them and they aren’t ready to unlearn fast. So, if you are determined to love and help that emotionally fractured person heal, you don’t have to start off by fighting for their utmost attention. Just be there as a friend, taking it one step at a time and know that it is the fight of the fittest. You must be patient to locate every piece of their broken heart and start knitting them together. If you are just looking for a temporal pleasure, an emotionally fractured person is the wrong place to search. If you do not feel something strong about him or her, then the trial is not worth it because you will fail.

If you have found love in the direction of an emotionally fractured person and you are willing to explore it till it becomes a reality to both of you, you must also be willing to master the art of endurance, enduring the rough ride, the neglects, the blames and the suspicions of a broken person. You can’t walk this path without experiencing the tornado, the quakes and the storms! If you aren’t willing to be shaken, then you’ve got to sign out of that quest. There are several options for several kinds of people, there are people who don’t want to make sacrifices, there are people who find certain kinds of sacrifices beyond their capacity and there are people who seem to have been wired for this kind of feat. They stand the storm and they fight to the finish. If you aren’t wired for this or you never feel you’ve got the capacity to stand the heat, never ever try giving yourself to an emotionally fractured person but if you are strong enough, that is good news because they need all the love, patience and endurance! However, be sure that there isn’t any guarantee of winning just as there isn’t any sure bet on losing.

The heart of an extremely broken person is desolate, lonely, full of garbage in the form of sad memories. You must take your time to start cleaning, fumigating and putting things in place one after another. Sometimes, a piece of glass from the broken pieces may also pierce your own hand. But if this is for love, the sacrifice is worth it.

“If you have found love in the direction of an emotionally fractured person… you must also be willing to master the art of endurance, enduring the rough ride, the neglects, the blames and the suspicions of a broken person.”

Can you love a broken person? Let’s hear from you.

~ George O.N

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