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Men are usually moved by the outward beauty of a woman more than inward beauty. However, the outward beauty contributes nothing to the relationship if her character is in contrast with what the eyes see. The Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 ” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. “ Facial and body beauty, awesome bank account and all that is good to the eyes and can really be very attractive, it could try sustaining a relationship for a few weeks, maybe months or even years but it will never sustain a relationship for long because, in the end, it is the character that keeps a relationship. Other things would serve as a spice. Pepper has its place in a spicy delicious food but pepper alone wouldn’t serve any purpose to a hungry man. You shouldn’t just focus on the spice and ignore the dish itself.
See, every one of us has got one imperfection and character flaw or another. We are righteous in Christ but in the flesh, we’ve got a great deal of baggage. However, it becomes a problem when we do not care how much our imperfections could hurt someone and choose not to walk on it. Relationships will not thrive when we don’t make efforts towards being a better person to our partner. Marriage isn’t a decision we make on “unconditional love alone” because it is not enough. Marriage is a union and two must agree if they must walk together. We have made a list of what every Christian man must look out for or avoid in a woman.
1. THE ANTI-CHRIST
As a very young boy, I had a female friend who told me she didn’t like the way I talk about Jesus all the time and quote the Bible at every argument. She opposed my commitments in church and told me I could still be a Christian without having to carry all of those stuff on the head. It affected me for a while because I wanted to please her. I stopped inviting her to church, I stopped talking about Jesus or referencing the Bible at every discussion with her. At a point, I knew I was missing it, I was becoming someone else just because I wanted to please a woman. She may not have meant bad for me but she wasn’t the best for me at that time because she was taking me farther from God. I didn’t regret walking away from that friendship, it was very difficult but I am glad it ended. The reason the Bible says we shouldn’t be equally yoked with anyone who doesn’t share the same belief with us isn’t that we aren’t tolerant of religion and beliefs but because two cannot walk together except they agree, else, one person must compromise. If you aren’t ready to compromise as a Christian (and you should not) then there is no point wanting to start a journey in disagreement. Your spiritual well-being is as important as your physical well-being. The Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:8 ” For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”
2. THE CONTENTIOUS
If she is quickly flared up in anger at the moment of courtship, never think marriage will fix it. Marriage fixes nothing; it simply brings two persons and fuses them as one. Now, imagine a house fighting itself, it will rumble from the foundation. The Bible says in Proverbs 25:24 “better to live on a corner of the roof than sharing a house with a quarrelsome wife.” This doesn’t mean there aren’t times she may disagree with you but if you notice her temper is out of her control and she believes “this is who I am, accept it or get out!”, then she needs help and you may not be the help she needs at that moment. Better get out!
3. THE HAUGHTY
Everyone is important and special in a relationship. When she keeps making it all about herself and threaten to quit at any slightest provocation, then you may have to prayerfully rethink if you should go ahead with her or not. She will really never change in marriage if that change doesn’t happen before marriage. Do you always have to beg her to stay? Then you may have to beg forever and definitely, she may walk out on you on the wedding day. Nobody is doing another more favour by being in a relationship. When she always feels she is better and more important than you, take a walk and save your future.
4. THE BOSS-LADY
If she isn’t humble, attentive and co-operative, then you’ve got another giant to contend with. A wife is supposed to be a co-leader with her husband and not a boss. If she always wants to make the decisions for you whether she has got more money or not or she is over-protective and keeps unhealthy check-ups on you, you may really never have the freedom to be who you are. It may look like “too much care” but it is not. Whether she knows this or not, she wants to be in control and she has personality issues. If she doesn’t admit this flaw and truly seek readjustment, then you may have to let go. You don’t need her protection to be faithful; you have to exercise that virtue of faithfulness freely.
5. THE CELEBRITY-QUEEN
Okay, don’t get me wrong. This doesn’t literally mean celebrities; it is about those women who are only concerned about themselves. She wants to be celebrated all the time but she thinks less of you. She wants you to always celebrate her birthdays, post her pictures on the social media, make valentines all about her, spend on her make-ups and high fashion tastes without any concern about you, how you really make your earnings and how you have been coping with all of the spending. You don’t need that kind of a woman, a woman who will not lay hands on your shoulder and say “maybe you have to use this money for something more important.” Don’t get me wrong, women always love their man to take care of them and sometimes it is not even about the money but about the display of love but if she doesn’t care about you too, forgets or even overlook your birthdays, never pray for you or ask about your career and make little efforts to show her own support, then you’ve got a professional gold digger who takes advantage of your blindness. Many times, we fall a victim of it, because we have allowed what we think is beauty blind our eyes. The Bible says in Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting…”
6. THE UNCHASTE
In Nigeria, you could see an Igbo young female whose claims “Alhaji Adamu” in Kano and “Baba Ayo” in Ogun are her uncles; Effiong in Calabar is her big-cousin while Ben is her fiancé. Yet, she communicates discreetly with each of them, travels on weekends to their houses and come back with money and keeps her phone on lock! Well, she must probably have such a large inter-ethnic and rich family. You don’t need someone with whom you should be battling serious trust-issues. You don’t need a woman who is loose and flirts around with all manner of people claiming to be her relatives, mentors, brothers and so on. An unfaithful woman will bring you much sorrow! It doesn’t mean you should judge her if it was her past and it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust her if it was a life she has forsaken but if you have seen from all indications that she is loose, then she needs help but marriage is not the help she needs and you are not her help in ages past. It is true she may have gone through so many abuses that made her the way she is but you aren’t her one and only saviour and you surely shouldn’t make a mistake by settling with someone whose life strongly oppose yours. If you think it is what you can handle, good luck! The Bible says in Proverbs 23:27 “a promiscuous woman is as dangerous as falling into a narrow well. “
7. THE JUNKIE
You may think women never get to be junkies right? Well, they definitely do! Relationships don’t change people even when they pretend they changed because of you. If she is given to alcohol and drugs, watch her closely because at first, she will not show you how addicted she is unless you are a bird of the same feather. Relationship with a junkie will lead to frustration because they will always act and treat you under the influence of those drugs and other stimulants. Never think you can talk a drug addict out of it, they need professional help and the desire to be with her doesn’t make you a professional overnight. Only God deals with men from the inside out and for now that they have not been dealt with, look for a life partner elsewhere while you pray for them.
8. THE PREVARICATOR
Sorry if it sounds new! Many people tell lies but there are people who tell lies with class! They don’t come direct, they just find a means to skip your question and say something else just to avoid saying the truth. When truth has to be fabricated, it is not true. When you notice she always avoids saying the truth whether about her past or present actions, then you are dealing with someone who is not ready to open up to you about anything. If you succeed in marrying her, you may have to put up with a stranger for a lifetime. If she has to prevaricate or tell lies about the guy she went out with, the party she went to, the school where she studied, the reason she broke up with her ex and several other things, you may have to step aside before you put yourself in trouble. Have you read the story of Samson and Delilah? That is enough lessons!
9. DADDY’S GIRL
You need your own woman and not someone who sticks to daddy or mummy all the time. The Bible says that a man clings together to his wife to become one with her (Genesis 2:24); that is what marriage should be about. If she can’t take a decision or agree with you except if her parents agree, then you’ve got a baby to deal with. You don’t need a baby; you need someone who is ready to stop answering her father’s name and start answering your name. Don’t get me wrong on this, we all need our parent’s support even in marriage but truth be told; parent’s have no authority or ultimate say in your marriage. Couples must explore their own world together and understand what works best for them. If she isn’t a woman who will let that happen, it is enough reason to leave her alone and allow her to grow up.
There are many other red flags! But we have selected these striking few to make our point. It is better to have a broken relationship, disengagement, a cancelled wedding and a moment of a broken heart than having a shattered marriage which may affect your children and even your mental well being. You don’t have to settle for less.
It doesn’t mean you are a perfect breed or that you are looking for a perfect person but at least you need someone who is eager to work it out with you, adjust and respect you. While forgiveness and love build a lasting marriage, you need someone who agrees with you to start up the journey.
Just in case you are looking for 9 KINDS OF MEN EVERY CHRISTIAN WOMAN SHOULD AVOID; click here.
Hope this blessed you? Let’s hear from you on the comment section.