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We have always heard such things like “love is blind but marriage opens the eyes.” Well, it may sound great but I think it is a lie just as saying “water becomes juice when you add salt.” Never let marriage open your eyes because you may never ever like the outcome. Your eyes should be wide open in friendship and courtship so that you are very much aware of the kind of future you are headed into. Don’t let those “happily ever after” movies define relationships for you, don’t settle with just anyone until all the scales are off your eyes. The most confusing time to make decisions is that moment your head has been clouded by emotional feelings, never let what you feel rob you of the reality you are facing. Behind that prince-charming is the real man you are getting married to. So I have made a few lists of what should serve as a red flag!
1. THE ANTI-CHRIST
Okay, you feel the anti-Christ I mean here is a black beast with wings and spear right? No, I mean that very nice guy who loves everything about you but doesn’t appreciate the fact that you are a believer in Christ Jesus. It is not okay to marry someone with whom you do not share mutual belief! There is no point marrying a Muslim if you are a Christian and there is no point marrying a Christian if you are a Muslim. The reason is very simple; you aren’t being intolerant of reigion, you are simply trying to avoid what will likely backfire in the future. The issue of belief is so deep that anyone who disagrees with your belief disagrees with everything about you. The Bible says in Amos 3:3 ” Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Why start a journey in disagreement hoping that in future you may agree? Why not agree now or leave it? Let 2 Corinthians 6:14 be your anchor “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has the light with darkness? “
2. THE CHOLERIC
Hey! I am not saying you shouldn’t date anyone who identifies himself with the temperament of “choleric”. This is simple, do not end up with someone whose temper is his master. Never fall for that line that says “with time he will change.” If he isn’t changing now, he will likely not change tomorrow. If you enjoy being with someone who gets angry at every argument, every misunderstanding, every mistake and so on, go ahead and enjoy but make sure you are not deciding on the basis of temporal feelings. Your husband is likely to serve as a leader and this isn’t just about you but also about your children. Marriage doesn’t change people and if there isn’t any effort on his own part to readjust or he isn’t seeing any problem with his anger issues, you are heading to a mess if you are going on with him. The Bible says in Proverbs 29:22 “An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.” Your husband is supposed to be your best friend, how do you think you will enjoy life as an emotional person when you spend it with an angry fellow? Trust me, nobody learns how to put up with an angry person forever. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:24 “Do not make friends with an angry man, and do not associate with a hot-tempered man.”
3. THE ARROGANT
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who always tells you how unimportant you are and how he picked you from nothing? Do you want to marry a man who is so concerned about himself than he is about you? God designed you to be his help-meet and the Bible says anyone who finds you, finds a good thing and obtains favour (Proverbs 18:22). Marrying a very proud person leaves you struggling for attention and never getting it because they believe they are doing you favour forever coming into your life.
4. THE BOSS
Sarah called Abraham “my Lord” willingly. Abraham didn’t have to put up a fight or force it down her throat that “he is the man of the house.” You don’t need a man who will boss you around, you need a man who will truly love you like the bone of his bone and the flesh of his flesh. Don’t settle for a man who will never allow you to have the life of your own or make your own decisions. You are not an after-thought and the man you should marry have to understand this and see you as an equal-heir with him in Christ. There are men who want you to cut off from your friends, stop interacting with people and stop going for events! Why settle for someone who wants to limit you from becoming the best of whom God has designed you to be? Never think you can sort it out! The Bible says in Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.”
5. THE BULLY
If women are weak vessels, then you obviously need someone who will treat you with respect and protect you, not someone who will flex his muscles at you and force you into things you obviously didn’t want to do. You are insulting yourself and God who created you as a treasure when you settle for someone who consistently keeps hurting you and treating you like an animal. Even animals are protected and used as pets. I understand such men need help but trust me, sweetheart, you aren’t that help they need! I know you want to be a hero and be given credit as that virtuous woman who stood all grounds but you aren’t God and there are things left for God alone to fix! Marriage isn’t based on unconditional love, it is based on commitment and oneness of purpose! You are not an object at the gym used in training muscles, you are God’s display of beauty and you need someone who sees exactly what God sees in you!
6. THE JUNKIE
Hello! Don’t think you can pray for a man out of addiction. As much as there are testimonies of people who were prayed out of addiction, if you can’t pray him out of addiction before marriage, you obviously cannot pray him out of it after marriage. A man who has no control over alcohol and drugs doesn’t need marriage, what he needs is a rehab. The best you can do for that person isn’t to marry him but to get him help. On a serious note, people can only come out problems when they admit it. There are various men who believe that it is alcohol before any other thing but the Bible says in Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” If you don’t want to marry a fool, don’t settle with someone who is given to alcohol, someone who has no control over the desire to drink, smoke and take hard drugs. You obviously don’t want to raise your children with such a man!
7. THE WOMANIZER
Every man is polygamous in nature. Don’t let that line deceive you, it is the most foolish excuse I have seen on the planet earth for men who cannot control their sexual urge. Do you think marrying him will stop him from looking at other women? No matter the kind of sex and care you give to a womanizer, he will still go out there to another woman. It is great to forgive a cheating partner but if you realize it is his way of life and you are yet to get married, do not make that mistake! It is easier to avoid a problem than try solving it. Men who flirt cannot hide it forever, don’t care less because you met him in Church or because he is a Pastor. Stay on the look and observe carefully because this is a man you are planning to stay with forever. There are so many risks associated with staying with a womanizer including sexually transmitted diseases, having a shattered family and having fatherless children whose father is still alive. A man who loves his wife will stick to his wife. Yes, people may make mistakes and repent but there are people who believe it is how they are wired. You aren’t wired for people who are wired to womanize.
8. THE BABY-BOY
Marriage is for men and not for boys. Trust me, this has nothing to do with age! When you are the only one trying to make the relationship work, you are dealing with a baby boy! If you are the only one giving out and he isn’t doing anything, you are dealing with a baby boy. When all he listens to is what his mother or father said, he is a baby boy. Would you want to marry a man who is strong enough to care for you, stand by you even when his family doesn’t like you and is making efforts to see that things work out or will you want a situation where the sustenance of the relationship depends on you? As a woman, you need a husband and not a baby-boy who will occupy the position of a husband.
9. THE “TOO-OCCUPIED FOR YOU”
Is he always too busy to talk to you? Is he always flying from one business meeting to another? Is he not making any efforts to spend time with you? Does he give you all manner of excuses when you want to communicate or spend some time with him? Does he want to marry you, keep you in the village while he flies to another country and be sending you money? See, no matter the circumstances, never ever settle for a man who will not be there for you. It is true that he sincerely wants to marry you but is too busy for you but you also sincerely need one who should be there for you. If they want to travel and don’t want you to travel with them, why shouldn’t they just marry from the city they are travelling to? What is the essence of getting married to someone who is too busy for you? There are many men who will love you and have time for you, take a walk out of that relationship with people who are too busy for you.
There is no perfect man out there but you need a man who wants to work it out with you. There are men who have made mistakes in the past but have admitted it and are working on themselves. However, there are just men who have issues but don’t care what you think about it. Don’t rush into marriage with anyone just because you have a deadline or because people are mounting pressure on you. Be sure you can handle their traits but never let your emotions deceive you and make you think it is okay for people to get angry easily or beat you at any slightest provocation. You need a man who loves God, loves you and respect you.
The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A man who is willing to give up himself for you is willing to give up his pride and weaknesses. Marry a man who respects God’s word.
Just in case you are looking for9 KINDS OF WOMEN EVERY CHRISTIAN MAN SHOULD AVOID; click here.
Which point speaks so well to you? Let me hear you from the comment section.
~ George O.N