I enjoy solitude sometimes being an introvert with some kind of curiosity. I have gone through a lot of things and these days I don’t want to know that stuff that will make me feel I don’t need God anymore. I don’t want to know that stuff that will make me feel there are answers elsewhere except that which God has revealed.
As a writer, sometimes my thoughts try wandering beyond this zone into a zone of deep mysteries. But I quickly step back else I make mistakes. Sometimes, these answers we seek don’t exist and we die without finding the answers! There are many books, groups and mysterious beings that claim to have the answers we seek and we see ourselves looking at the horoscopes, contacting mediums and doing all sort of things just to get answers.
There were times I had searched and searched for answers that it led me to a point of solitude where I see every other person as abnormal for believing “crap!” When we continue walking that path, we see ourselves even searching for answers from the “Big Bang Nonsense” or from traditions founded on wickedness, black magic and mysticism.
I have read certain books and I have seen myself leave my body, not in dreams but the moment I lay back and close my eyes! There were days I was so scared to even close my eyes because it became common for me to try breaking out of my body! You may call it hallucination but it was beyond that, it was happening to me.
I have ordered for books from Eck headquarters in the USA and they handed it over to me right at Onitsha, Nigeria! I have read deep into the Quran, and I have followed so many conspiracy theories just because I have a longing for answers! I have studied some paranormal and occultic books by Lopsang Rampa which of course triggered the scary experience of trying to leave my body! Sincerely speaking, it was never my desire to delve into certain mysteries, I was only curious!
But guess what?
The more I searched, the more I see myself struggling in futility to get an answer that doesn’t exist! The more this happens the more I stay away to myself, the more I drain myself of strength and joy, the more I feel we are just here on earth to waste our time and the more depression sets in.
Somehow, after all my failed searches, the consistent thing I keep finding out from all of them is the superiority and simplicity of God’s word as written in the Bible. I am no longer a Christian because I was born into it, I would have professed atheism a long time ago. I had temporary being an atheist at certain stages in my life while pretending to follow with Christianity. There have been stages in my life I took God for granted and consider those Bible stories as just another makeup by white men but then, the Bible showed me the purpose for humanity and the character of God!
Personally, the answers I have been looking for, I have seen them in God’s word. It has always been there while I was searching but I may not have listened to hear God telling me “this is the answer.” The New Testament has clearly connected the dots for me and the Bible in its completeness have shown me PURPOSE. It is the lack of sense of purpose and hopes that retracts us into the state of obscurity where we feel life isn’t worth living. I don’t really want to sound intelligent anymore if intelligence means denying Christ.
We never happened by accident.
We shouldn’t move by accident.
Our making was intentional and our living should be intentional. This is no answer in religion and until we begin to trust our creator and start looking at Him and His words for answers, we may always walk that line of depression.
The universe is so much in order to have been an accident! The earth rotates around the sun and round its own axis while the moon rotates around the earth making the ecosystem life-friendly. There is a super-intelligence behind the formation of this universe, it wouldn’t have been an accident. Look at how we complement each other in gender making reproduction possible. Do you think an accidental big bang would have made all of this possible?
Have you seen life evolve into another kind? Did your ancestors leave any documentation as regards to that? Truth is, when we seek answers that don’t exist, we treasure lies and foolishness. Believing we evolved from animals is messy because as long as this earth lives, we will not witness that change.
Without faith, we may trust so much in ourselves and still find no answers and then we stay depressed! This is how the devil comes into our thoughts and start manipulating us, making us cherish darkness more than we cherish the light! I have known God beyond religion and beyond books and He is not that angry God you have always been made to believe. He doesn’t even parade Himself with pride, He is down to earth seeking relationship and friendship.
It is the same way the devil got Adam and Eve that he goes about getting others. Adam and Eve were made with every goodness of God! They needed no extra answers but the devil came convincing them to seek a knowledge that God didn’t want them to open up to! They sought that knowledge and went farther from God. The same God that had always come to them for daily gist appeared scary to them because they have been exposed to the wrong knowledge.
I summarize with the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 2:2 “For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” which to me means “I have made up my mind to see life from the perspective God has presented it to me.”
God bless you.
~ George O.N