It is very sad how certain people who have been all over themselves suddenly turn enemies just because their relationship ended. Sometimes, I come across people who used to praise their ex initially start saying so many terrible things against them. Previous months you told us he is a very generous and a loving man or that she is a very faithful woman and later months you tell us you noticed, at first sight, that he was a womanizer and fraudster but just wanted to give him a try.
The reason why so many of us go this extra mile to paint our ex bad is either because there are some things we don’t want to let go or because we don’t want to take any blame for whatever went wrong. Sometimes we even think that we may never need them again. You both broke up right? If there are still underlying scores that ought to be settled, settle it among yourselves.
No matter the circumstances with which you ended a relationship with someone, don’t go about spreading lies against him or her to make you look better than them. If you have any issue with him or her, don’t make it a public affair. Settle your differences within yourselves but if you must get others involved, don’t go about cooking up a one-sided story that favours you.
If he pushed you, don’t go about saying “he battered you!” and if he made sexual advances at you which you declined, don’t go about saying he wanted to rape you and you escaped. Just say it the way it was without adding fictional scenarios and also say the things you didn’t get right if you must tell us the things he or she didn’t get right. Any story where the teller is very perfect is very suspicious and isn’t likely the whole truth. But before you share him or her with the public, always ask yourself “of what use will it be to me?”
As you do this, also remember all the positive roles he or she played in your life and never let just one thing make you deny that he or she was ever useful and good to you. Refuse to be an ingrate… The end of a relationship shouldn’t be the end of a friendship and it shouldn’t be the start of enmity. Personally, I have carefully made sure I don’t discuss my ex with anybody, I wouldn’t even tell you we broke up neither do I entertain any ill talks about them and one great thing is that I know how to convert a failed relationship to a very meaningful friendship!
Never forget that you may still need that person tomorrow, your children may need his or her children and your career may still at one point need him or her for a boost! You may stumble into an office only to realize he or she is the only person that can help you get what you are looking for. The end of a romantic relationship shouldn’t be the end of a friendship, the only change is that the friendship has been redefined.
Maybe you both loved yourselves but realized you weren’t compatible with marriage, why try to prove a point to people by making it a public discourse? Why try to let some kind of desperation lead you into becoming who you are not?
I usually hear people say that all the resources spent on a broken relationship is a waste but I think it is a lie! I believe that the gift of a man makes way for him one way or the other. That you helped pay her school fees doesn’t mean she must marry you at the end whether you guys are compatible or not and that she helped you set up a business doesn’t mean both of you must marry when there are serious red flags.
If you cannot let go of your spending in a relationship after a breakup, then it was never sacrificed and your heart was simply on what you will get out of the relationship and not how to make the other person better. Believe me, those sacrifices will speak in the future as long as you didn’t break the bridge. When you pass a bridge, don’t break it because you may need to go back and get something.
You may need that your ex tomorrow for business, you may need him or her for endorsement, your children may need him or her and believe me, the happenstances at the end of your relationship would be the defining moments of what the future would look like. Appreciate what they invested in you, don’t start denying them just like Peter denied Jesus! There is still tomorrow where you won’t obviously need romance from him or her but you may need assistance that only him or she may be genuinely willing to give you with sincerity of heart due to the seed you also sowed in his or her life.
God bless you.
~ George O.N