A friend of mine got pregnant while she was in a relationship with her boyfriend and had a baby boy. The guy in question also did same thing to another girl and out of anger my friend left their place and went back to her parent’s place and since then they haven’t seen each other though at times he sends money to her for the upkeep of the child. As the case may be the guy is living with the other girl but haven’t paid a dine on both of them like she told me and now the girl met with the guy again and told me she is still in love after all that has happened and that he is coming to see his people. Now my friend says she will accept him back if he happens to propose but she is confused because the other lady is involved as well. She is asking for my opinion but I told her to hold on that I have someone I will talk to about it. Please what do you advice I tell her?
C.A – Nigeria
Hmm, this is serious. Your friend is not stupid right? She better not be! First of all, you need to understand that having a child for someone isn’t a guarantee that you must marry that person. It also doesn’t mean you can’t have a blissful life with someone else and on a more serious note, you can have a beautiful life without someone. Without so much moral instructions which I know we have been hearing everyday from every quarters, I think it is worthy to note that we cannot change anyone, people will change when they want to change. This young man got your friend pregnant and they were both living together with the baby boy! Then he got another girl pregnant! Doesn’t this tell you something? They may not have been two, they may have been five girls and perhaps the other three are yet to get pregnant. The problem isn’t that he got the second lady pregnant, it is that he was living with the first girl and was probably still having sex with her but those things between his legs seem to be beyond his control to the point that since he has made up his mind to be promiscuous, he also doesn’t think about contraceptives!
Another big fact is that this young man is currently living with the second girl and probably coming back for your friend through the back! This your friend, hope she still have her senses intact? She shouldn’t allow him use her emotions! Or is he planning to marry two wives and is she ready for it?
I will give you my honest answer. Maybe he has changed, maybe he has not but we can’t determine that! There is every indication that he is promiscuous and can even expose his spouse to risks of infections because he will always have unprotected sex and still come back home to her! Maybe your friend have made up her mind to live with that promiscuity and carry it as a cross, many people do that but she should be sure it is a cross she has the ability to carry. She is a woman and for her to have ever come up with that thought of going ahead to marry him, it means she have made up her mind to some degree and may be seeking justifications to support her desire.
On a different level, this is what your friend should know. She can still live a fulfilled life without marrying him. You must not marry someone because you both share a child, you can focus on making the best out of your life, becoming that woman of great value who despite being a single mother can at the right time make choices of a husband based on purpose and necessity and not based on pressure (which I know must be coming) just because she have a child. She should occupy herself with other things if she don’t have something doing! Does she have a career? That should be her priority right now coupled with taking care of her baby! She has a choice despite being a mother now and she must sit down to count the cost before making up her mind. Nobody can tell her what to do but we can only advice her. So she can look at the options before her and know the right thing to do.
Finally, this your friend is she born again? I don’t mean being religious… I mean, does she have a personal relationship with Jesus? This is not to say Jesus would have prevented her from making mistakes. So many believers make worse mistakes too. I am asking because she will go a long way if she is born again, we must not undermine the place of prayers. As she works towards becoming better and finding comfort, she also need to talk to God sincerely for direction. Maybe, she prayed for it already or maybe it haven’t occurred to her to pray. Maybe, this is just that direction she needs.
I am George O.N