LETTING GO | PAINFUL BUT NECESSARY

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One of the most difficult things I’ve struggled with in my life is letting go of a relationship with someone I really love! You would ask “if you love her why let go?” Well, if you had read my previous articles, you would understand that love is not enough. Sometimes, because of the impending danger in the future you may have to let go. Certain persons love themselves but they surely know at some degree they can’t stay together forever and in other cases one likes the other while the other loves the person, one wants to take things to the next level while the other is afraid of making that move and being in an undefined relationship gets messier and difficult to leave as time goes on… So, letting go is necessary sometimes.
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Letting go of someone you truly love can hurt you so bad but it is better to be hurt now than being hurt later, maybe in a very much deeper way. The more you hold on, the more terrible the hurt will be when you eventually let go! I know sometimes your reasons to let go may not sound sensible at all, maybe it was something you feel isn’t serious but if your instinct is beginning to urge you to let go, there is something not right somewhere. If you had to always search and read books to know if you are loved or not, then you may not have gotten the kind of love you wanted.
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Trying to hold on to something that isn’t working doesn’t portray strength, it portrays fear! You’re holding on because you feel you can’t find anyone better, you are holding on because you are afraid to be alone, you are holding on because you can’t deal with leaving off all the good memories! It is actually the ability to let go of someone you truly love that defines strength, it takes so much strength to do that. Are you in this situation? You can do it! Let’s see how.
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1. STOP COMMUNICATING
At least for now, you need to stop communicating with that person and you need to discard everything that creates connecting like pictures you took together. I understand a lot of people would want to remain friends and still keep in touch but for now, you’ve got to quit communicating the person until you are strong and healed. Constant communication keeps fuelling feelings and passions and it keeps making it difficult to let go. Depending on how the issue was, you may need to text him or her and tell them that for now you want to be away so you can heal. Don’t be in a haste to resume communication with them and don’t give them chance to respond you! You may use the block features and stay away from them till you are completely healed. This was something a friend recommended for me and it was working! You aren’t cutting communication because you hate them, you are doing it because you want to learn how to live without him or her so that you can build capacity to stand alone! In fact, later in months you could still be best of friends with no string attached but with deliberate distance.
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2. LET IT FLOW!
Many times we want to hide what we feel or try replacing it with another and therefore getting into a worst mess! When you are going through hurt from a broken relationship don’t rush into another relationship just to see if you could heal faster, it will make you enter wrong relationships or even affect your trust for your new partner! Face what you feel, face the pain and allow healing take its full course! Don’t coat that scar, leave it open let it heal with time. It is okay to go out and ease yourself of the pains but don’t think anyone will make it better. Once you are alone, it is dawn on you again and it will keep revisiting until you deal with it completely. Yes, it is painful but allow the pain. Cry as much as you want and don’t mind people who tell you “is it just because of someone you are feeling this way?” You should feel that way, it shows you never took that person you gave a part of your life for granted. Be aware that your ex may be going through same pain too whether they show it or not, whether you see them mingling quickly with others or not! You’ve move on and now you have to stand strong.
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3. KEEP LOOKING FORWARD NOT BACKWARD
Many people who wanted to move on moved back again because they started thinking that they were too fast and maybe things would still work out again if they had took it slowly. Lot’s wife looked back and became a bag of salt! Who knows what you will become when you look back? Speaking from experience, I have looked back severally, giving myself false hope that maybe she would be better, maybe we can make it work again! In fact, I have looked back certain times saying “we may want the same thing later as we progress!” but it all turned out worst and I kept getting hurt the more and having no sense of security in the relationship. Allow healing to take place, don’t keep touching the scare! Looking back is like having a gun shot on the same spot. Admit you are hurt, move through it and don’t let your mind give you an easy option out of the pain.
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4. TO LET GO IS TO FORGIVE!
That moment may come when you start analyzing who is to blame, when you start remembering all the good stuff you did, all the sacrifices you made and sometimes how you appeared very stupid for the sake of love. This is that risky moment when you start thinking you need to revenge or get back all you have spent somehow. If you can pause to think the other way, you weren’t the only one who made sacrifices even if yours seem much greater. To completely let go, you must forgive your ex and forgive yourself! You may not have to start communicating but within you, you need to feel at peace with him or her and with yourself. Admit it must not always end the way we wanted and stop having grudges in your heart. Admit you had a nice time with your ex, admit he or she did their best and yes, you are moving on, not as enemies! A time will still come when your paths will cross and friendship is expressed! If you don’t forgive, you haven’t let go and you will keep being hurt!
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5. GET BUSY, LIVE YOUR LIFE
There are so many things to do with one’s life than just sit and keep thinking about what didn’t work out so well. You have a life to live and the end of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of life. Even in the pains, you’ve got to get up, clean your face and start living! Before you met anyone, you were living and now that he or she is gone, you are still living! Because it did not work out with one person doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work out with another. Meet new people but don’t rush into intimacy! Pursue your dream, live your passion, take up that class you have always dreamed about and just go ahead living your life. Don’t do this to prove to your ex that you can live without him or her, do it because you have to live!
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Understand that healing doesn’t take place as quick as you finish reading this. You will have to gradually play this through, you will progress gradually and you will definitely be healed. You will look back and say to yourself “Wow! So I could move on!” No matter how long it takes, trust me, you will be healed. If I got healed, you can. Nobody stays there forever!
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I am George O.N
The Man-In-God
#GracefulGeorge