UNCLOAKING LOVE 2 | Don’t marry for love…

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Loving people does not mean having intimate relationship with them, it doesn’t mean making them your friends, it doesn’t mean being overly committed in every single thing they do, it means to maintain a positive perception of them, to help them when you can and to live peacefully with them in consistent forgiveness. This will answer a lot of questions in marriages and relationships. Love is not the reason why you should get married but you must marry who you love and love who you marry. However, we marry because we want to build a future together, we marry because we want to share the same goal, we marry because we believe we are compatible with each other to fight a cause and raise a godly family. Love is not the reason why we get married, love is not the reason why we even maintain friendship and relationships! First of all, there must be love for that marriage to be possible but love isn’t the essence of marriage. I will explain further.
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You should not carelessly overlook red flags in relationships just because you are loving unconditionally. Yes, you can still break up with someone, not because you don’t love them, not because you haven’t forgiven them but because the future is very bleak with them, they are not compatible and since love is not the reason for marriage and relationships, you shouldn’t make choices just because of love but because of the essence. For instance, you can’t ask me to be your business partner in a business that I cannot run just because you love me. Yes, you love me, you aren’t judging me, you can help me when you can, you don’t bear grudges for me but you can still not give me that job if I am not capable, you can still break up with me if you have discovered I lack capacity or ability to build the future with you. In marriage and relationship, you must be very picky, you must open your eyes, remove the veil of emotions and carefully make your choice! Love everyone, help everyone the way you can but you can only marry one person, you can only be in a relationship with the one person you have chosen. Unconditional love is not unconditional commitment, unconditional love means maintaining the degree of positivity about someone regardless of what they do to you but unconditional commitment is not possible and wise, you must carefully chose where to commit yourself to.
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My last relationship ended not because we don’t love ourselves but because one of us was not ready to plan marriage and work towards it. We still very much loved ourselves, we still very much missed ourselves and sometimes I still think about her but hey, it doesn’t mean I could just call her and say “it is okay, I love you unconditionally and regardless if you want marriage or not, let’s just continue!” No! I can’t do that because love isn’t the reason for starting that relationship in the first place, we started it because we wanted to build a future together but since we have discovered we aren’t compatible or we have different goals that can’t become one, we had to go our separate ways without having to hate each other. Yes, at some point we had blocked every communication to be able to move on but nothing happened to the unconditional love.
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Sex too doesn’t happen because of love. If sex happens because of love, then there would always be “Orgy Parties” in Churches because we were asked to love one another but no! Sex happens for reasons. God strictly designed sex for two married couples so that they can share pleasures together, have some level of deep intimacy, procreate their kind and raise godly homes. It would be injustice to ask two people in a relationship not to have sex if relationship is all about love and sex is all about love. Your commitment to your partner and your spouse is not the same thing with your commitment to others not because of love but because the union has a reason and a greater task! Sex builds bond between couples, sex brings relaxation, sex satisfies desires that couples have for each other! Sex is sex, sex is not love! Sex is a responsibility that married couples must carry out when ever one needs it in marriage. The world doesn’t understand this, we who have love in us can show this love.
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You can quit an abusive relationship while you still keep praying for that person. Quitting doesn’t mean you don’t love them, you quit because they are unfaithful and don’t want to be committed to the reasons of that relationship. You can quit a relationship when someone doesn’t make out time for you and isn’t ready to improve at any condition. This is because the reason behind your relationship also requires that person’s attention and time! When your partner doesn’t give you time, doesn’t intentionally build affection for you, they are not being faithful to that cause! If it is damaging a lot of things for you, you can decide to move on but still love them. Love is a thing of the heart, pretending to love people doesn’t mean you love them. Your heart must be clean about them first and only then can you genuinely pray for them and still be ready to help them when they need your help. Some people become bitter and start seeking to revenge on anyone who walked away from them, that is because love is lacking! You can break up with someone and still not go around painting them bad! That it didn’t work out with you doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work out with someone else! People can be better with someone else than with you, sometimes personality and temperamental differences comes into play.
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Love is a thing of the heart, love is not a feeling, love is a decision and can only be expressed by acting it out. On the other hand, relationships and marriages are built with love but they are not built for love. In Eden, marriage had a reason and the Bible says two people cannot walk together except they agree and this means any union of two persons can only be successful if the agreed contract is not breached. I am not saying marriage is a contract anyway, ideally, marriage is a union that lasts a life time where two persons become one in purpose and in goal. Eve was made to be Adam’s suitable helpmeet and not just to be his lover. While many will say “don’t marry who you love, love who you marry,” I would rather say “marry who you love and love who you marry.” There is no provision in the Bible to love some people and hate some people. I can love you all, but I can only marry my wife and I can only be sexually and based on the reasons of our marriage, purposefully committed to my wife. My commitment to my spouse can never be the same with my commitment to anyone else. Concerning ministers Paul didn’t say anyone who loves is qualified to lead the Church, he rather said “he must be a husband of one wife… If he can’t take care of his family, how can he take care of the Church.” You see that? Marriage has a reason that is not love but love builds marriage.
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I had to do this robust explanation so that people should stop thinking that they must continue being in that abusive relationship if indeed they love that person. Forgiveness does not mean giving people another chance in the area of their weakness, it doesn’t mean turning blind eyes to the destruction of purpose, it means knowing that people were wrong but you stopped holding it against them, it means letting go of the wrongs and maintaining a good perception of them. You can forgive people and also give them another chance as long as they are ready to improve but when people are not ready to change, you should just move on even as much as you have forgiven them. In so many ways, Jesus showed us that people who aren’t faithful with the little should not be trusted with much. When people also reject your love, you should do yourself good to move on and share it with someone else who will not only accept it but appreciate it.
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God bless you!
I am George O.N
The Man-In-God.
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#GracefulGeorge