BEFORE I TURNED 25 | THE SCARE!

Onyedikachukwu George Nnadozie
Onyedikachukwu George Nnadozie

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I remember that particular night, it was the last night I’d be spending as a 24 year old young man and I was very scared. The last time I got scared like that was when I turned 19 and I was faced with lots of thoughts. Why was I scared? Perhaps it was more of a psychic issue. Yea, when I turned 18 I felt I had become more mature after all that was the year I could legally do some things I wouldn’t be permitted to do when I was younger. I didn’t get to do many of those things till date anyway but crossing past those ages brought worries.
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I couldn’t just point at one significant thing why I was scared. I remember that night, I sat on the sofa thinking about my life, trying to cross-check what I had done with the past 24 years and how turning 25 would be different. We had been made to believe that turning 25 is a start of so many things and growing up, mum had always believed we were supposed to be married at that age, I wish it happened anyway. There was something about 25 that always sent sensations down my spine, I don’t know if it was because it was just signaling 5 years to 30 or because I would suddenly leave that “18-24” grouping, it also had to do with knowing I was reaching the quarter of my life on earth. Whatever the fear was, it was hinged around the fact that I was getting older. Was it the fear of old age?
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That was when Jay-z’s song made sense to me, I would hear “I wanna be forever young” playing on my head. Whatever that song meant, it meant to me that I wanted to be forever young, I wanted to be treated as a younger person, I was scared of accepting the fact that as each day passes, I would learn to be more dependent on myself and less dependent on anyone aside God. I had set some goals for myself that I never realized before that night. I had always thought that before I turn 25, I would have made enough money, I thought I would have even packed out of my parent’s house but that night I was dawned with that fact that I wasn’t even close to being what I had dreamed for myself, I had only recently enrolled in the university because of the financial crisis that had hit us in the past and I wasn’t sure I’d finish. I remember I had to put head in my palms and allow tears to flow.
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It was an entrance into a year among others years that will keep reminding me forever with a louder inner voice “you are getting older”. I remember listening to a preacher previously who had narrated how he started so many big things before he turned 25, I remember him saying that after 25 you may never really get to do some big stuffs again. I got scarier. I knew I was becoming more adult than youth and I knew so many things would change. I had always known women were the ones always scared of their age but how this one scared me, I wouldn’t explain. I have had a lot of things I wanted to do with my life but turning 25 without starting any of them made me feel like a failure. There was no one to call and ask questions and so I stayed that way, I stayed worried while I’d look at the clock at random. Now, it was 11:00pm on that night and it was just 1hour to go.
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The pictures of my mates who were doing well already started flashing in, some had graduated, some had travelled out of the country and I remember some were already cruising around town in their flashy automobiles and here I was being spiritual, loving Jesus, being Churchy, being less social, knowing a lot of things but doing just very few and staying in my parents’ house, eating their food and being a burden. But then a message came in, it was from one my protégés. And she said “Happy Birthday Sir, thanks for the impact you have made in my life.”
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I kept staring at that screen, at first I didn’t know what to make of it but there was something about that SMS, it took my mind to what I had never thought of before. And then I said to myself “Yes, I am getting older but I am not a failure! Yes, I did something! Even if this was the only thing I did, I know I did something!” I remember I sat up, wore a long smile and kept staring at the screen of my phone and then I said to God “Dear Lord, it may not really look like it now, but I know you are taking me somewhere. I may not have what I had wanted but I know I am not without something. I am sorry for not remembering all of it.” Many things I had done before 25 started playing out, I started remembering all of them, I started remembering the unpublished books I had written, I started remembering the seminars I had held for fellow young people, I started remembering how God had given us the privilege of doing a lot of things in His name including that certain night I touched a very sick young guy on the head and he felled under the power of the Holy Spirit and jumped up with an instant healing! I remembered how God had used me to bring answers to lots of questions and how God had used me to comfort a lot of people and I had done many things my mates who seemed successful on the other side hadn’t done. How could I have forgotten?
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It was then that it hit 12’O Clock and I was 25!
Yes, 25! More messages started pouring in, I may not have had the money I wanted, I may not have gotten the things I wanted but I realized I have had a life many wished they had, I have had meaningful opportunities many wished they had. I remember someone telling me “my prayer is to be like you.” And I felt like “me? You mean this me… As in myself?” I couldn’t have known that success wasn’t in how much money one has or how much exposed one was, it is how much purpose has been fulfilled. I realized before 25, so many foundation has been built for the future, things that wouldn’t just mean more money but more fulfillment.
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I had to breath hard, thanks to God I never gave in to those fears that had wanted to drown all of me, thank God I realized that there wasn’t anything like being late to destiny! Thank God I realized my timing and that of other people weren’t the same and that at the right time everything falls into place. What I never did before 25, I would still do it by or after 25! Since then, I stopped counting my life with other people’s number, I started counting with my own number. I stopped looking at myself with the mirror of other people, I started looking at myself with my own mirror and I defined my own standard based on my unique design.
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Today, I am older, I have achieved some of those things that sounded big but they weren’t big after all and I have realized you can exhaust it, there is just more and more ahead and we will keep walking and walking till we get there and beyond there. If you ask me now “What’s up with your life?” I would just say “I am just living my life!”
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Live your life today!
Blessings.
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I am George O.N
The Man-In-God
#GracefulGeorge

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