LOVE IS A DECISION-BASED CHOICE

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The practice of love begins from the defining moments and not from the moments of sparks or attractions. The defining moments of love is strongly characterized by purpose because when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. If people can understand this, certain things may influence their attraction but not their choice to love. There are things that catch our fancy but they quickly stop catching our fancy once we realize the content of these things aren’t pleasing to us. How about being attracted to a woman because she had large breasts only for you to discover she has breast cancer? How about being attracted to a woman because she looked so beautiful only for you to find out their looks are makeup – based? How about loving a woman who looked slender and very attractive only for you to find out that she has been battling with anorexia? Can you now see that the defining moments of love isn’t based on some attraction factors? These factors are good but they are not what defines love. You can be attracted to something because of a feature in it but what if that feature isn’t there anymore will you still find that thing attractive?
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In my own terms, love isn’t a strong feeling of affection, it can serve as a dictionary meaning but it is not core! People can have affection for something today and never have it tomorrow because what they used to see doesn’t appear like it looked earlier! It is like seeing a nice figure and coming close to see a very mean and acne-colony of a face. Attraction is not love, love builds attraction intentionally but attraction may not build love. I know there are many kinds of love but let’s talk about love in its completeness! Marriages and relationships needs love in its completeness to survive. Love for me is the deliberate decision to be there for someone regardless of the good and the bad. This definition is strongly reflected in the marital vow which says “for better or worse.” Now, many marriages started off in relationships that wasn’t properly defined on the basis of true love in its completeness, it started off with two persons liking each other for something! Maybe she liked the fact that he is rich and he likes the fact that she is looking beautiful and a lot of people have made ladies who love a man because he has money to feel more guilty than a lady who attaches another condition to the reason why she is with her own man! Everyone has what attracts them and while it can spark off something it needs a deliberate decision to look beyond those attractions and make the choice of loving that person even if that thing stops being there. Attraction shouldn’t be confused as love, it is in attraction that infatuation has its stronghold.
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It is very normal to have a reason why you are building relationship with someone but it is also important to accept that human has flaws that can only be managed and until one is willing to make that choice of still loving even when the good things seem not to be there anymore, lasting relationships cannot be accomplished. If you need a partner that can help you fulfill your life goals, it is okay to find someone who can truly do it and build a relationship with that person but beyond that, you have to make a choice to keep building affection intentionally for that person even on their worst days! You should love them in the good and also love them in the bad. It becomes very easy when both couples understands this because when only one person is trying to express love without condition, he or she gets frustrated. We can’t still deny our humanity after all.
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You see why I said love is a choice? It takes choice to truly love someone in good times and bad, it takes choice to give people another chance when they have broken the standards. It takes choice to stay committed to your promise and vows when the feeling is gone due to one reason or another. Love is beyond feelings, feelings can make you express love but it can’t keep you on the love realm much longer.
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I look beyond the physical appearances in search of the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. While her endowments can be attractive, while her career and strength may be an undeniable benefit, I look for someone I can choose to love whether those things that caught my fancy are still there or not. For me, age, size, possessions and so on does not influence my choices to love. If they influence my decisions, what if tomorrow something happens and she lost that shape, that size or what if she gets older? While these factors are very important to be considered, it shouldn’t be the major in deciding who to love because it will not be love if it is dependent on things we don’t even have full control of. This doesn’t mean turning blind eyes to things you like, it doesn’t mean being reluctant in making sure someone has just what you desire in people before taking the next step, it means making up your mind to stay in love even if some of those things aren’t there anymore. It means being able to accept that you are dealing with someone who is imperfect and that you are willing to give them another chance as long as they are willing to keep walking with you. The big problem is always when that person isn’t ready to walk with you any more, in this case you just let go!
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Why it is important to truly decide and be intentional about love rather than fall in for just anything you feel and how you feel it at the moment is that it adjusts you psychologically to be ready for the things ahead! It makes you even more forgiving, it makes you know when it is truly right to let go and when it is right to keep pushing! Love is a beautiful thing but the beauty of love can only be built intentionally. Have you seen someone painting a house? They take their time to do it, in the same way you must take your time to nurture love! It takes choice to do this and without being deliberate, love in its completeness will not manifest.
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Sex for instance is a part of love where two spouse wants to satisfy each other and be satisfied! Some couples are so good in this but aren’t good in that part of love where one is willing to make sacrifices even when it isn’t convenient. You see what I mean? A lot of couples are so good in one aspect of love not even because they are intentional but because that aspect of love has pleasure in it but love in its completeness is beyond pleasure, it remains even after the pleasure is gone. Love stays even when it is painful and in any relationship, the two must be willing to make it work so it can work.
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While all of the feelings are necessary for attraction to thrive and give us opportunity to makes our choices, we should make this choices with our eyes open, we should make this choices without having to let what we feel at the moment be the major deciding factor for us! These choices should be based on serious calculations? We should ask ourselves, “while I feel great about this person, will I still feel this way if this one thing I find attractive about him or her is gone? While I be intentional about fanning the flames so that the fire of love keeps burning? Will I be intentional with maintaining my vows even when I don’t feel like? Is he or she worth this sacrifice?”
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Love is sacrifice and no one makes random sacrifices!
You check the weight of the sacrifice you are about making and you decide if you’d go on or not. If I ever make it clear to you that I love you, I am saying “I have made up my mind to be committed, faithful and affectionate to you even when it seems tough and challenging.”
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I am George O.N.
The Man-in-God.

#GracefulGeorge
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