You might have been hurt in your search for love. Perhaps with all the beautiful things you had done to make it work, you’ve only been hurt; with that big scar right there in your heart prompting you of every painful moment. I am aware you may have always held on to this scar-like souvenirs from your past and you’ve been striving to merely live with it.
It’s okay to know you have spent all your time loving someone with just everything you could lay your hands on and suddenly it’s all gone! You feel used and dumped, you feel cheated and you feel your soft heart was taken advantage of. Yeah, he or she left with their own heart, a large chunk of your own heart and everything else, leaving you with just a memory, making you hold on to the past like its a painful music on repeat mode. Or just maybe, you could end the music but couldn’t resist the urge to keep pressing the “replay” button.
I understand you have always been promised love, you have learnt only to belong to him or her and you’ve built a wall around your life, giving him or her the sole access. I know you feel like it’s all your fault for the love you couldn’t receive from him or her, you feel like you demanded what you don’t deserve and maybe you have always felt golden each time you were told: “I love you”. Maybe instead of saying “I know you love me”, you’ve always said “Oh! Am relieved that you do” because you’ve always had that fear they’ll leave you one day and that they only tried loving you but never really did.
I know you feel maybe you have a problem maintaining a relationship. I know you feel you’re the one who couldn’t understand him or her, you feel it was you who couldn’t give him or her enough love, you feel you pressed too hard and pushed them away! I know how you feel, you’ve always wanted to be sure you were loved and you have always been told what you wanted to hear and now it’s dawn on you that you were the crazy one, the one who loved and wanted to be loved. Yeah, since it all seems to be your fault, you never say it was them who messed up, you hold nothing against them and you burden yourself now with so much blame! Blames, bigger than you could carry.
Now, you see all the places about yourself you seem to put the blame on? Haven’t you realized they are things you can’t change about yourself? You have always kept wanting to become who they want you to become, you’ve always wanted to dance in their own tunes but haven’t you realized that every time you try changing to become who they want you to keep losing yourself in the process? If they can’t love you for who you are, they can’t love you anytime.
I know how it feels trying to keep someone who doesn’t belong to you. Can’t you see that the more you keep holding on, the more you keep fading out? Sometimes you look at the people they love and you wonder what those people have that you didn’t have, you wonder what they have done that you never did and it dawn on you that he or she never belonged to you in the first place.
I understand why you don’t want to delete the pictures in your phone, it is because you can’t accept the fact that it is all gone, you aren’t strong enough to damn it and just move on completely but isn’t it making the worst out of you?
Okay, it’s time to stop making an analysis of your shortcomings, it’s time to stop putting blames on yourself, you have to accept who you are now. It’s doesn’t matter how long you’ve known pains and sadness, it doesn’t matter how unfamiliar you are with happiness, your happiness shouldn’t be attached to things or a person, it should flow from within. Don’t be content with pains when you know there is more to what you ever know!
Have you ever thought it this way?
There are sweet people out there who don’t just love you the way you are but love who you are! There are people who will celebrate those things others regarded as flaws. Don’t you think you’re missing something better by holding on to the past? Why not stop thinking you’ve lost the beautiful ones? Be sure that you haven’t met that one person! This is more reason you have to let go of your past, why you have to accept that he or she is gone and you have to go too. This is why you have to clean those tears, box away from the memories of the past, throw them away and leave that dark corner. The fresh air has missed you enough, the sun can’t wait to beam its filter on your face! Oh yes, your smile is priceless and there are people out there it will please!
Stop magnifying your past relationship, it can’t be the best you’d ever have. It will be injustice comparing the future with yesterday. The Bible says the glory of the latter shall be greater than the former! Release your mind from the prison of the past. I know you can’t know that beauty of tomorrow when all you ever wished to know is in the past.
That one person who will make you know that the pains you’ve always honoured aren’t yours to keep is just right there before you, maybe you’ve not looked forward. Release yourself now from the grips of the past and stop romancing with memories that you should have given up by now. Someday, somewhere, someone will find you, tell you how long he had searched you and look at you with confidence into your eyes, making you understand that as much as you’ve been pained in the past, it was a route to connect with him or her. Someone has been searching for you too!
Now start living!