I need counsel, I’m really confused and need someone to talk to, my heart accepted you.
After my secondary school, I met a guy back in oyo state when I was preparing for jamb, we actually met at the jamb lesson. We became friends and later on became lovers but we agreed to avoid sex till marriage. We broke up after a year and both lived our lives our own way. We had other relationships but kept communicating. Few months back, we got united again and started dating. He proposed marriage to me, met with my parents and led me to his own parents too. We very close that it seemed we were inseparable but all of a sudden he stopped calling and started giving me cold shoulder. I tried knowing what was wrong but he said its a personal reason. I have kept trying to stay in touch but am becoming more tired of doing so and I am beginning to feel less of myself. Please, what do I do?
Miss A, Nigeria
I am glad you found confidence in me to have shared this.
What keeps relationships going isn’t just good communication but understanding. Bad communication is always a result of lack of understanding and like you said, you guys have dated before, broke up, dated different persons and then met again to revive what you felt for each other. If I knew what caused the first broke up, it may be able to give me a clue of what is happening now or maybe, it still had nothing to do with it. You have broken up with him before and doing it again wouldn’t be such a bad idea or the worst thing that will happen.
Truth is, infatuation is real but when understanding and strong decisions isn’t employed, those things one feel can quickly die away at the slightest chance which may not even be your fault. For him to quickly stop reaching out to you and even sound cold when you reach out to him, it means he is gradually handing off from you… This can be as a result of a rumor he heard or other things. What if maybe there are things about your attitude that scares him away? What if he has been the only person showing care and attention without reciprocation? Or what if he has met someone else, felt she is the better choice and decides to push you away? What if there is really no reason at all other than being fed up or not feeling the same thing again. There are just so many reasons but whichever it were, nothing should be keeping him from explaining things to you to see who needs to adjust or measure up!
What do you do? It is simple. We all went through stuffs like this where someone we have loved so much suddenly start coming up with attitudes that suggests they are no longer interested in us. You may try to find out what went wrong and see if it’s something you can fix. Deliberately call, visit or fix a date with him just to settle things out and know your stand in that relationship. It is better to stop assuming that things will be alright on its own and ask direct questions about the engagement so that you don’t keep wearing a ring (if he engaged you with a ring) that the owner have disowned. If he opens up to talk about his sudden change, it may give you clues to what you might need to do to make things work. But be careful, you shouldn’t be the only one struggling to make things work, if he isn’t doing anything about the relationship, you may have to take to your heels and save yourself time!
What if he refuses to open up to you or keeps saying “one day I will explain”? There is no better “one day” than now, if he isn’t ready to talk things out now, it is a clear indication that he is not ready to continue with you, some men are fund of not being straight with someone about their stand in a relationship, they will always want the lady to be the one who calls of the relationship so that they wouldn’t be blamed in the future. If that is the case, you really have to bring yourself together, understand that many times we get rejected so that we can accept someone better. The worst thing that will happen isn’t breaking free from him but sticking with someone who doesn’t want you at all cost.
And this time, when you move on, just move on. There are still so many great persons out there but take your time to heal, develop yourself personally and stay happy without being attached to anyone. Have social time with your friends and deliberately engage in other things other than thinking about him. Accept dates from different persons and just get social without being emotionally attached to anyone now. Believe me, after you’ve gone through this, he may come back again… That has always been the case with so many people. Remember, you have broke up with him the first time, if it should happen again, don’t let it be the second time but the last time. Guard your heart so well and stay happy!
God bless you