Good day George. I am Anita, I am married for 3 years now but I am becoming pretty unhappy with my marriage because my husband has always forced me into doing something I think is very wrong. He says he doesn’t prefer normal sexual intercourse anymore but anal sex! First, I am uncomfortable with it and secondly, I feel God doesn’t love anal sex… Am I just being religious?
I have often tried not talking about sex till am married because that is when people might listen to me more on issues regarding sex! I have lots of unanswered questions basically about sex in marriage. However, I think it’s time I begin to open up to some issues. If you feel comfortable enough to confide in me and talk to me about your sexual experiences with your husband, then I should be comfortable to give advice to you on that subject. My answers to sexually related questions are often based on knowledge and not experience.
You said you’ve been married for 3 years and suddenly, you are becoming unhappy with your marriage because your husband seems to come back home one day and started insisting on penetrating through your anus rather than the usual organ designed for it. This might force me to think.
Who suddenly convinced your husband that anal sex is better? It is either he is seeing another woman who is likely to be a pervert or he is being influenced by very bad friends or pornography. There is a third party influencing your husband and you need to talk to him about it if you have not.
I have heard many people say it doesn’t matter the kind of sex you prefer to have. For me, I think it really matters. Anal sex involves the anus and it has great health risks because the anus is designed to release waste and not accept something else into the body. As a result, the anus has lots of nerve endings, making it highly sensitive. Anal sex is the riskiest form of sexual activity for lots of reasons. I will mention some few:
- The anus lacks natural lubrication, unlike the vagina. The woman’s’ sexual organ lubricates itself automatically during sex because it is designed to accept penetration of the male organ. But the anus cannot lubricate itself because it is designed to discharge waste and that’s all! God in all his wisdom designed the human body to respond to the purpose of its making. Engaging in Anal sex is like departing from the dining table to eat in the toilet. If you cannot eat in the toilet or near an open garbage bin… Then say no to anal sex! Anal sex can cause the spread of virus much faster because penetration can tear the tissues inside the anus. In many cases, anal warts and anal cancer can develop because the anus has been exposed to human papillomavirus (HPV). Doctors also warn that using lubricants cannot prevent tearing of the tissues.
- The anus is full of bacteria. Because of what the anus is designed to be used for, there are lots of bacteria in the anus and as a result, can infect you especially when practising anal sex after vaginal sex. It can ultimately lead to vaginal and urinary tract infection. Some people who have oral and anal sex together can also stand the risk of having hepatitis, herpes, HPV, and other infections.
There are other serious injuries that can occur from anal sex which from the research I have made isn’t very common anyway. From research, most women have anal sex not because they want to have it but because they want to please their partners. On the other hand, most men have want anal sex because of what they have watched from sex movies and pornographies. Majority of women don’t want anal sex but they do it because they think it’s going to save their relationship which is so wrong!
Your main concerns anyway aren’t about the risks which at some point can be minimized but your comfort and God’s approval. When it comes to sex in marriage, your own comfort too is as important as your husband’s comfort. You are not selfish for being concerned and you are not selfish for opening up that you are not comfortable with it.
Another issue you raised is about God’s approval of it which is also very important. Like I said earlier “the anus is designed to release waste and that is it. It is pornography and sexual perversion that made anal sex very popular just like homosexuality and even bestiality is becoming much more popular. The popularity of anything doesn’t mean God approved it… If God never designed the anus for sex, then God didn’t approve it for sex! It is people’s decision on how they use their body but if they use it the wrong way, the damage is still on them!
The big thing here is that it is your body! You belong to your husband and your husband belongs to you. God is much more concerned about your marriage and you are in the right frame of mind to save your marriage. Whenever your husband requests for anal sex don’t give him an outright no or raise harsh arguments. You can only get him to agree with you by being very gentle with him.
As a Christian, be the one to draw him closer to God by being his friend. Do everything that will prevent him from going outside to meet another woman because that is definitely where it all started. Most unbelievers and atheists will advise you to simply divorce your husband if you aren’t comfortable with him but I will advise you to go on your knees and talk to God sincerely about him. These are few things you can do…
- Be the reason he comes home early by being his friend regardless of what he does to you. That will prevent him from meeting some women out there who are gradually turning him to a pervert. If he has been watching pornography, you will know.
- Talk about the risks of anal sex by making research and showing him how dangerous it can be. You are the one at risk when anal sex is in play.
- Encourage and convince him to meet a Christian therapist who can tell him the truth. If there are no therapists around your country, take him to your Pastor and always make him realize that you want to be him forever.
- Be good to him. Let him realize other ways to have fun than sex! Save up some money and take him to places… By doing so, you are teaching him to take you to places.
- Always check on him. While he is at work, call him to remind him that you miss him and wants him to come home early. It doesn’t matter if he fought with you in the morning. It is with your goodness that you can win him over!
- Pray for him. God is not silent; God is not mean or sleepy! God is always ready! Unfortunately, many Christians don’t believe in the power of prayer anymore because they feel it is merely ritual. Be sincere when you are talking to God about it, just keep praying and keep believing.
I believe you will not only get your husband to agree with you, you will also see your marriage blossom! You can save your marriage by saving your man.
Don’t start accusing him of adultery; just make sure to be his friend. It takes a gradual process but believe me… Patience and consistency will be worth it.
Share your own opinion!